One Citizen’s Proposal

“SOMETHING TO SHOOT FOR…”     Thomas Jefferson

“WE Hold these truths to be self evident…That all Human Beings are created Equal…That they are endowed…with certain inalienable rights…That among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness…That, to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men and Women, deriving their just powers from the consent of the Governed…That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends…it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it…!” *

Official U.S. Citizenship Package

(The birthright of every person born, or naturalized, in the U.S.A. **)

CONTENTS:

X Cover Letter***

X  Birth Certificate/Certificate of Naturalization

X  Voter Registration for Federal Elections and Referendums 

Citizens are required to participate in all national balloting

[elections and referendums] upon reaching majority [18th birthday****]

N.B. With the successful completion of each election/referendum’s stringent,

targeted, topical CVICs (CURRICULUM VITAE INTENSIVE COURSES, )

available to all.)  Citizens, demonstrating, by this, their

desire to do so,  may earn the right to participate in the

democratic process (Vote) prior to achieving majority. (Beginning at age 14…)

X   Social Security Number and Card

X   Medicare “Universal Coverage” I.D. (Full coverage includes: pre-natal and childcare to hospice and burial expenses)

X The following educational materials, provided to all Americans, will be available in various media and formats. In order to facilitate an early appreciation of living in a diversely egalitarian society, striving for a sense of unity and with a particular stress on Equal Justice and the Rule of Law; wherever possible, in addition to the standard “adult” version; all materials will be offered as children’s books for age groups 1-2; 3-5; 6-8; 9-12 and young adult [13-18]. Upon request, all versions will also be available in any of 6,909 languages [Ethnologue, 2009])).

  1. Annotated Copies of the Constitution of the United States of America, the Bill of Rights and all additional Amendments to The Constitution…
  2. Brief Rundown of Federal Tax Responsibility and other fixed-costs associated with Citizenship including major federal permits, licenses, etc…
  3. Various forms of counseling and therapy are available to all citizens, at any age (upon request, by citizen/guardian): physical, vocational, educational, marriage, relationship, self-identification, emotional, psychological, etc.
  4. A single page Data Sheet, summarizing additional “Important Things To Know” for each of the Fifty-One [states, as of the ratification of Puerto Rico as the 51st state] States and all the Territories and Protectorates in our Union. Each State will offer digital data bases with in depth discussions of all citizen rights and responsibilities for that state and/or all officially recognized Localities within that state.

 

* liberties taken with paragraph 2 of the Preamble of the Declaration of Independence…rough drafted by Thomas Jefferson, signed by the Continental Congress (56 representatives from the original thirteen American “colonies”…”The United STATES of America” as of this date) July 4th, 1776 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania…

…and altered by me a couple of hours ago….

1) “Human Beings” (although I’m relatively confident that TJ meant “Mankind” when he says “Men” …just to be sure…)    and

3) ditto with Men “and Women

2) removed “by their Creator” ‘cause I’m a Pantheist (god is all..all is love…Namaste) and Jefferson was a Deist  who believed in the “Divine Providence” of “Nature’s God” and not the “supernatural” God of Judeo-Christian tradition (he also insisted on no religious references in the Constitution and lobbied for The Separation of Church and State [a term he coined, by the way]) his references to the divine in the Declaration were poetic paeans to the divine spirituality in the endless majesty he found in the natural beauty of this exquisite land…and with these few words in the Preamble, he expressed his highest aspirations for Equality and Justice in a Secular State…..Thomas Jefferson held that Jesus was the sine qua non among moral teachers (the greatest rabbi…!) and in his own self-edited religious primer, “The Jefferson Bible” he featured the sermons of Jesus,the man [i.e., no resurrection] first and foremost,  “his teachings were the most sublime and benevolent code of morals which have ever been offered to Mankind” along with other excerpted “diamonds” found throughout the Bible. He rejected all the talk of “miracles” and what he called the “dung” of ancient political agendas. In general, his attitude towards Christianity brings [back] to mind the  words of one of my favorite people; author [and proud secular humanist] Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. “… If it weren’t for the message of mercy and pity in Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, I wouldn’t want to be a human being. I would just as soon be a rattlesnake.”   and, also

4) TJ wrote ”inalienable” in his draft and it was his strait-laced pal, John Adams, who changed it to the more staid (and oddly British) ….“unalienable”.

 

** unless excused for reasons of mental health and/or other disqualifications under the law

 

***Text of Cover Letter

[Such and such… day, month and year]

Dear newly-minted American,

You, blurby mcblurbblurb , were born [or, have earned the right to become] a citizen of the United States of America. congratulations…!! and, on behalf of your fellow citizens, I would like to take this opportunity to welcome you here. we hope you will enjoy the many freedoms and (relatively ) few restrictions offered you as a new member of our society. You will have several civic responsibilities, but, nothing too onerous and, while we want you to grow strong and prosper  by virtue of your own talents and abilities, we do want you to understand that we are [all] your “family”  now, and should you experience difficulties on your path, we have, as a nation, established a series of “helping hand” programs to help you on your way….remember, if you need “assistance”, you are not alone..!

So, once again, let me just reiterate how happy we all are (except, maybe, for the “few” curmudgeons among us, but, every family has their share …what are you gonna do..?) to have you with us on your great adventure ahead…!

With best wishes and much affection…

your “uncle” Sam “Boaty” mcBoatface

The President of The United States of America

(serving at you, my fellow citizens’, pleasure..)

The White House

Washington, D.C.

 

**** Citizenship Package given into the safekeeping of each new citizen’s parent[s] or guardian within 24 hours of his/her arrival into the world and/or in the case of naturalized citizens, directly into their possession…either way the Federal Government Dept. of Health and Welfare maintains a digital copy of all the information contained therein (including all updates; changes of address, Bio ID [voice, finger, retinal prints, etc…ONLY REQUIRED if a citizen is found guilty of a felony and/or purchases one of the many legal, but “controlled” substances… schedule 5+ drugs for personal use, classified hi-tech w/permit, non-military, but deadly weaponry, etc…N.B. in the case of citizens convicted of felonies their bio IDs will be stricken from their personal “papers” upon completion of their sentencing requirements and, upon request, for said felony] copies of passports, visas, medical, educational, voting and tax records, etc… all accessible (in the absence of a targeted federal warrant) only by the Citizen, themselves, or a legal representative designated by the Citizen. Too Scary..? Maybe, maybe not…if one prefers to live “off the grid”…it would be a really thin “dossier” and, if you really wanted to eschew society altogether…within our borders, all have access to anonymous health care and various charity portals that would allow you to live “on the periphery” , and, finally, if you really need to get away from the hurly-burly , altogether …there are tens of thousands of caves available (many of them unoccupied [more or less, check for bears and mountain lions]) in more than 400 national parks, or further out, 560 national wildlife refuges [sound like you..?] or, all the way out , in 250 million “protected” acres of various degrees of wilderness owned by “the people”…as a nature dweller (check into various “homesteading” opportunities, if the cave idea is too much)….but, know that under such a circumstance,( ie. total separation from society, living a life of complete self-sufficiency) not voting, not paying taxes, etc… would be a victimless, misdemeanor “transgression” against your fellow citizens and, as such….well…go for it…!  Just know, we’ll be here, if you need us, and so will all your rights (and alas, some obligations) if you decide you miss us…and want to come back)

 

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From the Ether to my brother-in-law, Mac to my wife, Dell Ann to my blahhhggg….with love, DD

an almost perfect plea ….https://youtu.be/t0e9guhV35o

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A Modest Proposal (with apologies to dr. j. swift [& all the chilluns what got et…])

“If the Mountain will not come to Muhammad, then….” and so on… Francis Bacon 1625

The Unabridged Version of a (relatively) brief Note to a recently re-politicized friend (of many years): as a starting point for discussion of the urgent need for a revolutionary change in American politics. (preferably without descending into utter chaos.) IT IS, OF COURSE, OVERLY LONG, AS I SEEM CAPABLE OF AUGHT ELSE… and it incorporates some “fantastical” elements, as is, souvent, my wont.

(Offered here at “The Karasshole…” a place for more-or-less like minded people to collide with one another (and, as we all know, “collision” is not illegal) and share and develop ideas for An Action against the real “Enemy of The People” ……. ignorance.

July 31, 2018. NYC

“good luck, love…. we’re all political from here on in..!!! Until the revolution is accomplished, the current “failing” system is supplanted by a more direct social democracy… and we are ruled by true citizen Representatives, educated on the issues and needs of a society based on, not just laws, but, Laws that are Just.”

….and now (to stir the pot) let me add, as this is of primary importance, (to my way off thinking) laws executed, exclusively by women (or those who identify as women…that might work) who, once they have swept both houses of congress and the executive in the next two election cycles , may peacefully (relatively speaking ) legislate the changes needed to put the power of self-determination into the hands of the People (for the very first time [in this country’s history] since Gouverneur Morris (not a governor, but, a Founding Father and then, Senator from New York) wrote those first three hopeful words, “We the People” (echoing TJ’s wildly, idealistic sentiments expressed in his/our Declaration of Independence 11 years earlier) in his preamble to our Charter (The less than perfect United States Constition, although Morris was one of the few who spoke out loudly at the Philadelphia Convention against slavery)and Amendments thereto…[more of which will be needed], two and a half centuries ago) and this Revolutionary Congress of the People can begin the process of redistributing the wealth (with, for example, a 69% marginal tax rate for all those with assets in excess of 10 million dollars and an income of over $1million/year and capital gains and estate taxes on a sliding scale from 10% to 90% depending on the situation of those fillng.Tax breaks (loopholes) will be available, perhaps, but only to those who can offer documented proof that their enterprise is dedicated , in some essential way , to the betterment of some part of our Noosphere (and/or its attendant Biosphere) which until further notice shall be construed to mean: “The planet Earth and its Environs and ALL inhabitants thereof, regardless of their “apparent” degree of sentience) and then, the first People’s Congress of The United States of America, and the first Ms.President, can really start moving (in the absence of lobbyists and graft….campaign finance reform being first off the block to be instituted…. and to replace the “voice of the people” as fraudulently represented by these corporate bribe artists…we must, seizing the “power of the Moment” put together a Constitutional Convention that will amend the Constitution to allow for a “more direct” representative democracy… whose main features might be (if we are to avoid a total meltdown of our country into a Staten off outright anarchy, [ and, just as a suggestion] A few amendments to the constitution… more or less, as follows…

First, Amendment #28, (The Equal Rights Amendments) guaranteeing women full citizenship rights , including equal pay/benefits, etc….in recognition of their meritorious service in the name of Life, since the dawn of time….[better late than never]

Amendment #29...(the Universal Suffrage Voting Rights Act.). all citizens registered at birth and/or at Naturalization with full rights, in our society including the right to vote at an age to be determined (initially 18, but, after the education system, is brought up to snuff by the newly empowered Dept. of Education, we may discover that just as genius appears in arts and sciences at a very early age, we might find that 16 is a more appropriate age for our young people to have a say in their society..) in any case…with all major, major questions voted on in referendums

Amendment #30 (On instituting a (more) direct democracy) all polling done by registered personal computers/mobile devices and/or at all post offices and libraries and public buildings] with everyone pre-registered and the right to vote inalienable…each major proposition will/might have a voting period of 7-10 days (lets say) and we will hopefully (after bringing back civics classes from 1st grade forward)have an average vote in excess of 200 million with 250-odd million registered voters over the age of 18 by the midterms of 2022) For all of the standard day to day work of government… this will be handled by the more responsive People’s Congress(or Congress)

Amendment #31 (reorganization of congress and representation) with a complete computerized redistricting of the entire country and to allow for more responsive representation and the institution of regular town halls within their constituencies… the congressman will represent no more than 50,000 registered voters (instead of the current 700,000 plus) in each district bringing the number of congressman up to 5,000 …each voted in for four year terms with a four term limit and Senators will each represent one million voters making the Senate composed of 250 Senators with 7 year terms and a four term limit.( New York-17 senators, Texas-20 and California-30 and with a minimum of one per state Alaska will have 1…(500,000 over 18) South Carolina-4, Ohio- 9, Vermont-1 Massachusetts 6 Then a few more urgent considerations while the constitutional convention is taking place

Amendment #32( Immigration reform) a) control the borders naturalize all those within the borders of the country when the amendment passes unless they are guilty of major felonies in which case arrange deportation with the authorities of their country of origin (unless its a bunch bof depraved rednecks run by a dictator(like the current administration of the United States…..in which..case deliberate and perhaps incarcerate here…where hopefully a new wave of egalitarianism and the advent of a true(r) democracy will encourage each state to make major advances in the often misunderstood and bizarrely conflated fields of Mental Healthg and Criminal Incarceration/Rehabilitation and finally (nowhere near,but, this is already a lot to discuss/work on)

the #33rd Amendment to the Constitution is a (much needed) retooling of the 2nd Amendment (commonly known as The Right to Bear Arms) first, a sensible discussion of the whole shebang(no pun intended) dispense and/or clarify this militia business, for instance…no minor may purchase a gun (have to go hunting with an older friend or family member, if you absolutely must…with a “learner’s permit…) all guns purchased 18 years or older from a list of acceptable weaponry, for sport, for hunting, for self defense (i dunno, no 50 caliber machine guns [no automatic “assault “ weapons, no land mines, tanks, rpgs, ieds, grenades, mortars, anti-aircraft, heat seeking missiles, tactical nuclear weapons, etc…) all rifles, shotguns and sidearms must be registered purchased with serious background checks and waiting periods….all ammo must have identifiers and be registered at point of purchase. Gun show/antique show weapons…same registration and background check….all police force weapons must be registered and tightly controlled inventoried …all armed force ordnance… tightly controlled registered and held in protected armories along with this emendation of 2nd Amendment was a serious look at the D.O.D. (move funds into intelligence and special forces and away from training of cannon fodder….. Replace Army with Americorp with a mandate for border defense…rapid response to natural disasters, infrastructure and general training for deployment within our borders …have special forces focus on intel gathering and coordination with state department ….help re formulate international court to create a united nation force capable of intervening in regional horror stories worldwide …genocidal madmen, etc…intel, intel, intel…money, money , money..!!!)

And all this to facilitate the enormously fundamental tasks of reorganizing our tax laws and reprioritizing our national budget to focus on health, education and welfare; the maintenance of our environment (with an eye to the continuance of the species, Homo Sapien and the biological panoply of flora and fauna from which it sprang.) and the modernization of the physical infrastructure of this, Our Country (and, in liaison with other progressive societies, that of the the Entire World…) Women will be/must be (please mothers, sisters, daughters of the world Unite…!!! ) You make up more than half of the potential American Electorate of 250 million voters above the age of 18…. 250,000,000 voters within 6 years (if you take over within four..!)….!!! please run…!!! Field and fund good candidates..).a lot of us men , who are sick of the macho bullshit of this totally, moronic, huckster bully Trump are also disenchanted by our reading of world history and the endless sangu-i-nanety of our gender (particularly when in positions of power) IT MUST STOP ..! Vote Women…!!!! Completely in Charge of the Adminstration of the Government Bureaucracy including all Political, Military and Diplomatic functions. 10,000 years is far too long…!!! Men will have a role, maybe even a number of vital roles in the society at large in the Arts and Sciences, sports…and manual labor…but, they should never ever EVER be permitted allowed to govern again..NEVER …. EVER…!!! Only men, (or women who think like men), wage war and are capable of formulating the most obscene of notions ever formulated by the human mind (and that’s saying a lot) …the concept of “Acceptable Losses” and it this idea that made it possible to enter into one bloody conflict after another World Without End for, roughly, ten millennia…now.. Since the rise of Agriculture and the return of men from The Hunt to the Hearth and to Community Life, ruled by Women and the White Goddess for several hundred thousand years, and more, prior to the advent of “civilization” Now..since the rise of this stick-around-the-house Agrarian culture and by virtue of their size and strength…men bullied their way onto the throne with Misery as their chamberlain and…then…oh, misery of miseries…! The concept of “acceptable losses” is born…!!! Initially in the form of blood sacrifice to the gods and then….!!! Well, just look around…!!! What woman who has given birth or Any Being with even the capacity to create, carry and nurture life…could ever seriously countenance such a notion..” Sheer madness and the worship of Mammon…!!!! “Well, boys, “our time is up…!!!” Men can be useful in many ways more than merely as donors in the process of procreation (although some might, with, sadly, a significant amount of justification, argue that point. BUT, TESTOSTERONE BEARERS should not have, and must never again determine the fate of humankind through the establishment of governmental policies… with Men in charge We have arrived at a point where the Earth will not mourn our passing, but, rather breathe a sigh of relief when we’re gone IF we do not recognize our kinship with this beautiful planet itself that, together with thE Sun offers us (undeserving though we may be) enough renewable Resources to live in abundance (of course, we’ll need to sit down and chat and come up with a number and work towards educating the people of this world to arrive at and maintain that optimum number…probably 5 billion or less and as we are over 7 heading to 10 by the end of the century there’s a Lot of Work to be done…so, please Rebecca …..run for office and tell all your Women friends (and low testosterone peaceable men) to Run run run and Win Win Win…!!!!!!! And as i said before i ran away with myself….good luck….love… dc von t.

ADDENDUM

The problem, as i see it, with term limits, loves…is that, if you have someone utterly fabulous (like you two, for instance) and willing to devote their lives (say, up to twenty years[5-4year terms] in the 5,000-6,000-seat House, and/or up to 28 years [4-7year terms] in the 250-seat Senate, for a combination of 48 years [i.e. if the people in their constituency want them, they should be able to keep them] ; and, if they max out in both, anything is possible (remember Arianna Grandissima * who was in public service for 111 years during which time she proposed and/or signed into law/and or adjudicated upon 1,492 bills, propositions, cases and Amendments [we had two Constitutional Conventions during her time in office, one in 2021 and another in 2069]) Now, most citizens will serve only one term and then split to have a life (because eliminating the perks provided by lobbyists, etc… will make the job less…uh…”interesting”; i would also attempt to limit/ curb abuse of the new system. By insisting that all Chairs and other Important Positions within the 5,250-seat Congress Would Have Term Limits and would be merit based, not based on seniority AND, regardless, the two main checks we would have to insure, (legislate) will be: A.) Campaign Finance Reform…(0$ in private and/or corporate contributions) if you meet the requirements to be on the ballot , you will all receive an equal stipend and equal time on the 10 Independent (but, government financed) CSPAN channels (all available in several dozen languages) N.B at this juncture, i also want to briefly mention the Department of Education sponsored/fully independent “Knowledge Network”** of several hundred channels offering extensive, and of course, free, classes from pre-school through advanced graduate degrees…all of which offer fully accredited diplomas at every level (and allow for home-schooling, in many courses of study, [in liaison with Physical.Ed./Performing Art reqs.and/or Electives, which may be fulfilled at the local Y’s, which will offer free facilities to every person in each Congressional District…five fully staffed and equipped Ys for each 50,000 voting age citizens{and their dependents] if required/desired….this , in addition to fully equipped public and private schools [pre-K thru Post-Grad] situated in all localities/regions of the country..)

N.B. As for women becoming ruthless, like men…their are certainly, historically speaking, individual examples of terrifying behavior by Them…but, i still believe, by and large, that women are probably less bloodthirsty than men, and, if they are in the majority and not forced to play “the man game”, they might formulate a more humane and egalitarian notion of what it is to rule a nation/world….Anyway…in some very important ways, for Men, its “Time’s up..!” So grab the reigns [sic], Vonnie, and let’s see what happens..! Whooooooppeeee..!

* {Arianna Eleanor Grandissima born..April 2, 2000 and deceased… May 31, 2137……at the age of One Hundred and Thirty Seven…..daughter of journalist/activist Arianna Huffington and Albert Einstein’s banked sperm, with additional genetic material from श्री और श्रीमती। Mohandas K. Ghandi, Dr. and Ms. Martin Luther King and, with a smattering of Eleanor Roosevelt and Michelle Obama thrown in for extra empathy..!} , she was in Congress from 2020-2068 (entering the House as a Representative from a part of Greenwich Village, NYC [the part once referred to as The Meatpacking District] when she was 20 years old…minimum age reqs. for various offices, as follows: House of Representatives…18 years old….Senate…25…Presidency…30 and Supreme Court Justice…35 and up…}) and then, at 68 she topped it off with one 7-year term as President…and finally to end that distinguished career she spent her last 36 years in public service as Chief Justice of the United State’s Supreme Court, retiring at age 131 in the fall of 2131…..along with these achievements she managed to acquire 5 doctorates and a Post-Doctoral Transcendent Meta Degree [TMd) in Nexialism; gave birth to two children whom she raised with her Tanganyikan husband and Brazilian wife’s two children , along with their 8 grandchildren, 16 great-grandchildren , 32 great-great grandchildren and 9 great-great-great-grandchildren…most of whom were present with their mates/lovers/friends in the spacious brownstone with the beautiful garden near the corner of Jane and Hudson in Greenwich Village (“Casa Grandissima”) where she breathed her last in the big, old double-King four poster bed where she and her two lovers had lived their lives and which had been moved to the roof garden of her home at Sunset on May 31st, 2137… Her last word was “ Erleichda…!” Which she whispered into the ear of her five-year old, great-great-great-granddaughter LaVonne de Chardin. The Street around her home and throughout the isle of her birth with standing room only on the bridges connecting Centre Ville to the GMS (Greater Metropolitan Sprawl) with more than seven million mourner/celebrants there to sing her into the next world ..(and when, at Sunset, the moment of her passing, they raised their voices in a chorus of her favorite song, Antonio Carlos Jobim’s “Garota de Ipanema” (The Girl From Ipanema) it was said that it could be heard as far away as the Philadelphian hub of The Sprawl…!

** All these government sponsored channels are commercial free and cover all sessions of congress and/or discuss all aspects of each proposition put up for popular vote (in the case of the CSPANs and with the “KN”, the curricula are constantly moderated and kept up to date to ensure maximum utility and offer flexibility for designing personalized courses of study (certain standards must be attained for those seeking actual [fully accredited] degrees. In addition, ALL curricula will be designed with an eye to stimulating maximum creativity and engendering v. free thought…also, trade “apprenticeships” will be offered in every field in association with a physical multi-disciplined (and free) Trade University ‘campus located within each state…where all tools and materials will be available for hands-on learning…the same will be true for the Arts & Sciences and the Citadels of Curriculum Knowledge  Also, these Villages of Learning will offer free tuition, room and board to all students...[we can’t even begin to imagine the things that will be possible once there is no longer a situation where .3% of the national/global population possesses over 90% of the world’s wealth]

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Ground Control to Major Tom

AS I WAS MAKING BREAKFAST FOR MY WIFE THIS MORNING I HEARD THE NEWS THAT DAVID BOWIE HAD..DIED…I handed her coffee and said, leaden voiced, “Bowie’s gone….and these people are just chatting away about this and that…” Moved, she said …”instead of openly weeping…” understanding immediately the gravity of the news…. In my mind, this called for nothing short of rending of clothes and gnashing of teeth….the same sort of feelings I had when John Lennon was stolen from us… In fact, it approached the personal sense of loss surrounding the passing of an old friend…maybe, it’s because I first heard Bowie at one of my first play dates with one of my lifelong pals…. Those first moments of incipient brotherhood forged in the cauldron of that epochal year, 1969 …we shared the singular sound and unforgettable lyrics of Hunky-Dory on the floor of his bedroom on Cherokee… Simultaneously, we turned and faced the strain… and now, almost 47 years…a lifetime later….and moments after the release of his latest album, this almost mystical troubadour, is gone…and hundreds of millions will mourn his passing…his generous invitation to join him and…” a couple of kooks, hung up on romancing…” echoing in those deep recesses of the soul where only music and precious few other things reside… Thank you, dear david, for sharing your inspired and profound madness with us all.. We will always count you among the artists most worthy of our love and gratitude..today, the heavens became a richer place with your Arrival…!

http://youtu.be/YQTENuQYgjM

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eighty-eight

Paul-Kate-DavidI’m writing this in memory of my step-father, Paul Crowder…who slipped this mortal coil back in 2010. Yesterday was his birthday, March 21st, which has been, traditionally, the First Day of Spring (like my wedding anniversary, which is on the Winter Solstice, it changes dates de temps en temps [rife with ephemera, my world is…{and  Yoda-esque locutions}]… this year, for instance, it was on March 20th*..? Screw that..!  It’s Paul’s birthday that marks the arrival of Les Sacres du Printemps for my family..!).

One of the Rites observed on this vernal borne, by those lucky enough to own one,  is “rolling out the ragtop” and taking that baby for a spin… up the PCH … or down Hwy. 11…or across rt. 9… or along some bayous…or maybe, just along CPW and into the park ….now, I love convertibles …but, let me say right off the bat (surely another spring [training]-O-centric expression [trivia question: what car had a dashboard push button transmission called “something-O-matic”..?] ) I’ve never been car crazy and though that fact has never bothered me, I will admit I’ve always known  less about them than I would like to (rotate tires, change oil and gap the plugs, that’s about it…) Click&Clack, from Car Talk, would not be proud of me.

….my first car was a ’61 Chevy Bel-Air, I got it from a guy who worked for my step-dad for a hundred bucks and it was fun to wheel that boat into the high school parking lot… then a ’61 Volkswagen (with canvas sun roof)… I replaced that little sewing machine engine 3 times before Bob Hume took it hill-climbing, forgot to put oil in it and poof..! there goes number four, at which point, and it gave up the ghost altogether…then… I got my first convertible, a ’65 Chevy Malibu, hand painted red (you could see the brushstrokes if you got close enough) with black racing stripes…drove it off  Batson’s used car lot on Poinsett Highway in Grinville, SC for 250 smackers…I loved that car…it ran like a top for a year;  then, had a massive…uh.. stroke(four..?) …somewhere on the same road where I bought it (but more out towards the Furman campus, you know… past Bonats)…I grabbed the plates, went for a stroll, didn’t look back…then my pal, Chip gave me a ‘59 Studebaker Lark to take to New York in ‘75…took a year and a half for the City to kill it (but it did)then, in  1980, I split for Europe and after two years in Paris, occasionally driving a friend’s sturdy, little, PooJovian box-on-wheels …”nameless, but in this world…” as the Rev. T. Lawrence in The Night of the Iguana was wont to say.**

 In ’82, stateside again, I bought my second convertible…a shiny, black ’72 MGB….heaven… and the first year back I was in Burningham, AL  and country roads were all about…like I said, heaven…. then to New York and The City began to consume my Shadowfax (that’s right, what else would I call it..?)…anyhow, then  on to the ’72 El Dorado, that annie and fifi(phillipe) and I drove to California and back…paul gave me that car for 50 bucks, it got 9 miles-per-gallon (but it also served as our motel many nights)…super comfy…New York ate it….then, my Dad gave me his old purple Camaro…parked it by the big Ukranian church on 7th St. (across from McSorley’s) and some kids stole it (and totaled it) and now we’ve got  Paul and my Mom’s  lime green ’92 Honda ( with 4 million miles on it…it looks like hell, but keeps on ticking).

 …So, why, when I just wanted to remember my much loved and now departed step-father , Paw, on his burfday.. did I feel the need to regurgitate all this, “my life on wheels”  stuff..? ( bear in mind, dear reader, that I thoughtfully left out Checker cabs; school buses[both big, yellow monsters and the “short bus”]; a  race car (a friend’s brother’s ZL-1 ‘Vette on the speedway track out in Pickens) , various motorcycles;;  loaners (a veritable automotive kaleidoscope); rentals(countless), and… that one 18-wheeler I drove(without  proper identification) to D.C. from Carolina for American Scenic (ok, so, I didn’t leave them out, completely) ….well, the reason is this:

I was thinking of Paul on his birthday and remembered that, along with my brother’s ’61 Buick Electra convertible and my own MGB… it was his Olds Delta 88, a deep chocolate brown w/tan ragtop and interior (and a monster engine that jumped off the line)  that was the sweetest ride I can remember…man, was that car a beauty..!  don’t know what happened to it, but I still think of it from time to time and it was the realization that this would have been my stepdad’s 88th birthday that made me think of it… So, there it is…88…Miss you, Paulie…. and I hope wherever you are …you’re cruising under a deliciously, warm sun with the top down, the air in your hair, and without a care in the world…  love, one o’ yer boys,  D.

* In point of fact, it was only on the 21st, 36 out of 100 years in the 1900’s (including 1926, the year of Pau’s burf  (“burf” one of my idiotion’s [amalgam of idiosyncratic affectations or better yet… idiotic notions]) and on sister janie’s 93rd burfday , it (the vernal equinox) will be on her birthday, March 19th, for the first time in almost two and a half centuries…! Man, is this compelling stuff, or what..?!!? (paretical..that’s parenthetical and rhetorical)..am I exhibiting signs of OCD..? (also paretical)

**N.B.  I mainly, hitchhiked, to get around during my two years in Europe…rides of note: a Mercedes Benz RV (outside Lyon) …and a Rolls Royce in Monte Carl… Oddly, no cabriolets picked me up over there…

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The “I would prefer [not] to…” Bartlebeevian Proust…er…Post

Seeking clarity, testing memory, listing those things that have most excited my interest thus far, as I,

more or less,  freewheel,  my way through this life, barreling towards … what-have-you…my idea

is to assemble  lists that are wholly idiosyncratic, with as little objectivity as possible,  basing my

 appraisals on totally, personal criteria and then;  as briefly as possible (although taciturnity has never

been a signature trait), explain my passion for these honorees (if/when/as  the impulse arises).

Now, what would be really great, what would be stupendously spectacular (given much to hyperbole,

Dave…?) would be if anyone (friends or family) felt like adding a bunch of their own faves and/or

commenting on anything….

David “Dick Daily” von Teskeldwarf

The Zehn Liszts

I. Seven Words (…words…words) *

1.     Thrasonical….def.: boastful, vainglorious        my brother , as an 18-year old marine in Vietnam,  would often send me , his 12-year old sibling, letters signed, Johnny  the Thrasonical…(he  enjoyed reading dictionaries)  and the origin of this word from the mid 16th Century play Eunuchus by Terence and drawn from the character, Thraso, a boastful soldier, was perfectly appropriate…the word combines a pleasing  musicality and my deep and abiding love for my Brother John (now relaxing by the fire at the Omega Point Lodge and Spa).

2.  Bartlebeevian…def.:   favoring (in some way) Melville’s Bartleby(the Scrivener)I just made it up (I think), but, in any case, I find it very pleasurable to enunciate.

3.      Love… def.: that,  without which,  the Universe would cease to exist…  (loveananda in Sanskrit) simply perfect.  I also “love” all of Woody Allen’s versions of the word  that he has Alvy use while professing/confessing his deepest feelings for Annie Hall….in the Bridge Scene ( the same scene where he describes his paramour as “polymorphously perverse”… another charming coinage, I find endearing)  “…I lurve you… I loave you…I luff you…with two F’s..!”.

4.   chronosynclastic infundibulum… A point in space where, upon a person entering it, that person’s existence in space-time ceases to be linear.     So, I’m gonna pretend this is one word, although we can clearly see that it’s at least two (and possibly more). It’s one of those things (like Carroll’s “The Jabberwocky”  that I have never forgotten since my first reading of Uncle Kurt’s (I’ve always liked  to pretend that Maestro Vonnegut was one of my uncles…[I also have an Uncle Alby {Einstein} and, of course, my mostest,  favoritest of all uncles, my Uncle Willy {The Bard of Avon, not, The Great Ejaculator}])  Siren’s of Titan and subsequently, its liberal use throughout  Schlachthof Fünf   (I would like to mention, parenthetically, since I’ve just used it, that “Fünf”  is one of my favorite foreign words… and one of the few words in German that I find it fun to pronounce…. “Fünf, Fünf… Fünf…!” yep…it’s a keeper and so is chrobosymplastic infidigulum…erp.)

5. 

6.     

7.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              *thanx & a hat tip to George C. & Will S. (gone, but not forgotten)

II. Books

1.  The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings… J.R.R.Tolkien    does it seem terribly mundane…? yeah, well,  fuck it..!   It it was anything but, when at age 12, my Dad gave me five bucks to go up to Bookmasters at 34th Street and pick up four books by this Tolkien guy (which he had read during a week-long business trip to San Francisco for A.T.&T., where, a friend of his, a professor at San Francisco State, who had just put together a course on Tolkien, loaned him a copy of the very first paperback edition, which had just come out)…anyhow, I already loved reading when I visited Middle Earth, that summer of ’65, but, the combination of language and mythos and adventure and love and yearning and… and the endless, mind boggling imagery, therein, really bowled me over… I read the tetralogy at least once a year for the next 10 years, ‘til I was 22 and since then, a few more times, as well as cherishing the wonderful  gift of Peter Jackson’s films…He showed lot of guts to take it on and although he couldn’t cover absolutely everything, he really came through…(Rivendell was just as I pictured it..like a giant Knott’s Berry Farm [or I should say, my recollection of Knott’s Berry Farm] where I once cavorted when I was five… just before we left my home state, California and moved to New York).       The Fellowship of the Ring will always live in my heart..! 

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

III. Music

1.

IV. Film

1.

V. Television

1.

VI. Plays

1.   Lysistrata’s Little Sister  by Mitch Hogue     There is a certain amount of personal involvement (read: total, as in: “..this selection represents both a degree of academic and artistic objectivity combined with a mess of  TOTALLY, bullgoose loonily, majorly, personally involved subjectively subjective subjectivity, as the playwright in question, is one of my dearest friends, the father of two of my [Greek] god-daughters, Chrissy and Jenny [gifted performers {and darling angels} in their own right]).  Mitch was a man/boy of prodigious talents with an unparallelled sense of humour, possessed of an infectious laugh and a wonderfully rambunctious face, with wild (joyously wild, not crazy wild) eyes and an expansive grin that lit up the room….!!!!! (pause for breath…..)  so there’s that…and then there’s the fact that he’s gone… and so absurdly young (he was only 45 when he left us).. happily, his great vitality is forever frozen in the rose-tinted  amber of our memories…and then there’s the fact that he asked me to direct his first produced full-length play, The Best Part, Off Broadway, the same year i turned forty, can it possibly that long ago…? He was gearing up for greatness with a number of projects, including a play entitled Comedy 101 [performed with his beautiful daughter, Jennifer, it called upon skills Mitch honed during his first years as a performer, doing Stand-Up in the City] 101 was the preamble to a proposed ten-part documentary on the History (and Herstory) of  Humour,  he was exhaustively researching  with an eye to developing it for public television; several commissioned works for the 400th anniversary celebration of the founding of Jamestown; and his one act plays, Gone Fission[sic], The Spear of the Nation (a brilliant, metaphorical  examination of the psycho-sexual depravity, implicit in Apartheid) and Lysistrata’s Little Sister which i never even had the chance to read..wait…but then..how…uh…why..? I’ll tell you why…’cause the magically alliterative nature of the title itself is so absolutely sublime in its near-perfect symmetry and brings to mind so many endless, dramatic possibilities that i have always cherished it as one of my very favorite “plays-in-potentia” . That’s why.

2. “The Canon”  …whose..? you ask…why, Will’s, says I, only He merits such a superlative sobriquet for His oeuvres, “The Canon”...only He has earned the endless accolades (from noble scholars throughout the four-plus centuries since he first dipped quill) that are best summed up in a line from Ben Jonson’s preface to the First Folio…“He was not of an age, but for all time!”   Well done, Sir Ben…or, as Stan Lee might say, “‘Nuff said..!”
Say, is this pirating of other people’s  words going to be a feature of my lists…? why not..? there are so many people with more wit than I (or is it me..? [ there….see what i mean..?]) anyhow, before Hamlet, and we, ourselves, lose our mirth entirely, i want to finish my valentine to the Bard of Avon with a few of his own words…because its quite simply the most comprehensive (and compact) expression of wonder at the brilliance of homo sapiens at his best and i always thought it was a great description of  He, Himself :  

“‘What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty! In form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an Angel! in apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals!   (and then…because, who but He could craft such a desolate rejoinder…?)  And yet to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me; no, nor Woman neither; though by your smiling you seem to say so.” (that smarmy Rosencrantz, with his knowing glances…and now that i’ve started I can’t leave without hearing Will dish out the same “matter/anti-matter” treatment of heaven and earth…  ” I have of late, (but wherefore I know not) lost all my mirth, forgone all custom of exercises; and indeed, it goes so heavily with my disposition; that this goodly frame the earth, seems to me a sterrill promontory; this most excellent canopy the air, look you, this brave o’erhanging firmament, this Majesticall roofe, fretted with golden fire: why, it appeares no other thing to me, than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours.”

VII. Art

1.

VIII. People

1.

IX. Places

1.

and…

X. Things

1.

Continue reading

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PAT “THE CRETINOUS BLOWHARD” ROBERTSON

http://youtu.be/VHpZeMcAa-0?t=21s

PAT…THIS IS YAHWEH SPEAKING ..!!! (ACTUALLY THAT’S A BIT EUPHEMISTIC, IMAGINE THAT MY TONE, AS I’M WRITING YOU, IS NOT DISSIMILAR TO LEWIS BLACK’S… WHEN HE’S ON A RANT) SO, AS I WAS..UH….SAYING… PAT, YOU TOTAL MORON..!!! I’VE ENDURED MANY DISAPPOINTMENTS SINCE THOSE HALCYON DAYS OF YORE, WHEN WE CAVORTED, CAREFREE (AND SHAMELESS) IN EDEN…AND SINCE THEN, UPON OCCASION, I HAVE, I WILL ADMIT, OVERREACTED (OF COURSE, THE FLOOD COMES TO MIND… AND …THE PLAGUES…[THAT WACKY FROGFALL, IN PARTICULAR…] MAY HAVE BEEN UNCALLED FOR…[ESPECIALLY, GIVEN THAT YOU’RE ALL FORCED TO WORK WITH THE RELATIVELY LIMITED INTELLIGENCE I {SOMEWHAT PERVERSELY} SADDLED YOU WITH FROM THE GET-GO] BUT.. PAT, PAT, PAT….HONESTLY, MAN…YOU BRING NEW MEANING TO THE TERM DUMBASS, I MEAN…..    REALLY…YOU CRETINOUS BLOWHARD ….!!!  YOU JUST SAID IT…!!!! I…NOT YOU… AM OMNIPOTENT… !!!! AND I… NOT YOU…!!!! MADE THE WORLD EXACTLY THE WAY IT IS. AND I MADE SOME OF YOU BREEDERS AND OTHERS…..NOT..!!! WHAT’S SO DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND…???!! AND THAT’S NOT TO SAY THAT MY HOMOSEXUALS ARE LESS CAPABLE OF PARENTING THAN MY HETEROS, AU CONTRAIRE, AS THEY NEVER HAVE CHILDREN BY ACCIDENT, THEY OFTEN MAKE SWELL MOMMIES AND DADDIES WHEN THEY OPT TO ADOPT (MY OWN FOLKS WERE GAY, YOU USELESS DUFUS.!!) AND IT WAS NEVER MY INTENTION THAT ALL MY CREATIONS SHOULD PROPAGATE (CALL IT, MY ATTEMPT AT POPULATION CONTROL..!!!)
ME..!!! THIS IS PISSING ME OFF…!!!!
THAT I SHOULD HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO A TURD HURLING, WASTE-OF-MUD, LIKE YOU, ROBERTSON, IS ABSOLUTELY ABSURD…!!!! I GOTTA GO TAKE A LONG SITZ AND TRY TO CALM DOWN .T’ANKS AGAIN, PADDY, FOR SCREWING UP (WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN) A PERFECTLY DECENT DAY…!!!

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Guns ‘n Gods R Us

Oh, for Christ’s sake!!! O.K….O.K. don’t  get excited…!!!  I’m not a religious man, or rather, as a pantheist, I believe that All are One and The One is All, ergo;  Thou Art God and I have little use for the external “personal” gods of the Judeo-Christian monotheistic/tripartite tradition …but the madness surrounding the Weapon Shops of Isher*  world we live in has me so flummoxed that I have to appeal to, (read: exhort) the Gods of Others…so, please…… (at this moment where many in our country celebrate  the birth of their messiah [even if the birthdate of this particular messiah was co-opted from the Mithra-ite winter rites and Jesus was apparently born in the Spring [according to many interpretations of the prophetic scriptures of the Christian Bible] and J. D. Crossan’s The Historical Jesus, The Life and Times of a Mediterranean Jewish Peasant, paints the picture of a mortal man, an extraordinarily compassionate rabbi [teacher] who taught, by proverbial and parabolic means, an ideological amalgam pieced together  from the Jewish traditions of his people, the O.T. (that’s Old Testament, not Operating Theta [scientology…is there any limit to the foolishness of Mankind..?]) and the philosophies and religions shared by the many travelers from the East (Near and Far) that he encountered growing up in Nazareth, a town so near the crossroads of the Silk Route and the Roman Empire…….please, as i was saying, understand… that i mean no offense to my fundamental friends.

So, once again, and this is an epithet that I hurl with as much (or perhaps, as little) irony as possible...for chrissake..!!!  Take big magazine semi-automatics off the market…!!! make bullets traceable….!!! Require waiting periods and I.D. checks (incl. remedial  psych evals.)…and make all gun laws federal and uniform..and ENFORCE THEM ..!  And while you’re at it…. make the standing professional  army very small …and if you want to go to war…? You gotta draft a militia and the people you draft (and their families) will require you to be damn sure there is a good reason to break out those God Damned (if She is a Just God) automatic weapons to kill our fellow earthlings,  at the taxpayer’s expense and with their lives at stake…you better be fighting for something that we all agree is worth the staggering cost, financially and in human terms, of WAR..!!!

Now , By Buddha…!!!  back to the question of gun control…!!!! every day of the year in this country children are murdered, often by other children and often with UZIs, Mac-10s, AK-47s and AR-15s (terrifying killing machines, all..)…and in an environment of paranoia, created by gun runners since time immemorial to protect their business interests and fill their blood lust-fuelled bank accounts.  By Zeus/Jupiter (actually wait, more lovers than fighters, those two/one)…By Odin All Father..!!!   (well, alright..! now there is a Warrior God…! By God..!!!) go to www.GodChecker.Com  where our blue-blooded American God, Yahweh, The Destroyer (cf. Church of the Sub-Genius)   is listed as first among deities in the Middle Eastern pantheon….and so i caution the godly gunrunners, worshipful warlords and generally greedy goombahs who rule this world (and more specifically, our country)…. remember the French Revolution….push people too far and you will too may, one day, hear the cry of , “Sortez les guillotines..!!!”

*would that it were that A.E.VanVogt world, where, though weapons are ubiquitous, they, magically, can only be used in self defense…

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smugly elitist male model perfects superior smirk…

Unbefuckinglievable…!!! this bastard says ..”what i admire is the guy who loses a $22/hr job and gets two $9.50/hr jobs to  make ends meet…” with a big smile…so happy is he, that Americans will work 16 hours a day to make less than they made before he (Romney and his LBO pals) sent all the “high paying” (over $20/hr.)  jobs to Asia (where they became $1.25/hr.)  jobs and still vote for him….That kind of ignorance is certainly something to cherish in your electorate, alright…if you’re an unapologetic one percenter looking for votes. subsequently, our hero is overheard confiding to his 50,000 per plate dinner companions that 47% of the american public are useless leeches who expect someone else to pick up the tab on health and food and shelter, etc….of course, under even the most superficial examination it turns out that the majority of this 47 % (who don’t pay federal income tax) are the “admirable daddies and mommies who make $9.50 an hour holding down two jobs….making coffee and shining shoes, stocking stores and manning cash registers, etc…and , of course the elderly, and children ( now, in 1901, old mitenezer romney would have had them chained to the industrial revolution 12 hours a day….ah those halcyon days of early mormonism…(with sister wives abounding) and the military…oh, yes all those leeches in the armed forces fighting to protect the overlords’ interests or  offer payback for( real or imagined) slights from their feudal cousins across some imaginary line or another

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The Planet of the Pink Pudglies

It all started when The One stopped by an inviting, blue-green world in a small system on the outskirts of  Whirligig Galaxy J51 NW, to take a leak and stretch its chakras.   (IN GESTATION, thank you for your patience)

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