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…because they bought it..!

Monday, November 21st, 2011

D.C.Daily

 

 

 

 

SEVEN QUESTIONS FOR THE NINETY-NINE

1. Why  do the one percent own the federal government…? Because they bought it..!  They hired lobbyists to wine and dine..to bribe with unforgettable holidays on silk sheets and full body massages in paradise…and to remind legislators who bought the election for them in the first place and who will be paying for their re-election campaigns…

2. Who chips in most of the government’s revenue? According to CBO figures for the past 20 years, the top 1% (including corporations) have accounted for about 20% of the federal  government revenue (they have also reaped about 40% of the Income and hold…get this..! 11-12 trillion dollars in assets..!!!)…while the other 99% shares 60% of the income and comes up with about 80% of the governments revenue. Revenue whose distribution is controlled by the agenda of the 1% who (cleverly) bought the Legislative and Judicial branches of the U.S. government.  

3. How do the 99% take control of federal government..? We buy it back..! We pour money into campaign coffers …we buy advertising…we hire lobbyists…we..buy..it..back..!!!!

4. How much do we need..? A billion dollars spread around during the six months prior to the next election should guarantee us a huge democratic majority (85-90% NOT IMPOSSIBLE) in both houses and another term for our left-leaning centrist President, Barack Obama (if he promises to revamp his Cabinet and lean more)…as well as, majorities in most state and local governing bodies and judiciaries across the country(whether appointed or elected)

5. How do we raise that much moolah…? 70-odd million registered Democrats alone, could contribute 15 bucks apiece and we’re there…BAM..! OK… let’s say just 30 million Democrats and less than half of the registered Independents at $20 apiece (that’s a cool billion, right there..and that is Change the World money, my friends..!!! [makes you wonder where a trillion dollars went during Dubya’s reign]) and the more contributors…the higher the contributions…the firmer our grip on the agenda.

6. What kind of stuff could we do..? We could pass single-payer health insurance with no debate…we could strengthen women’s reproductive rights … We could pass an ERA that includes all people of all kinds….we could reverse the gerrymandering of election districts..we could push through sensible deadly weapon-control legislation…we could start major Public Works programs to guarantee  full employment and to re-vamp the country’s infrastructure and improve the country’s public schools…we could convert the country and, by taking the lead in R&D, the world, to renewable energy almost overnight(within a dozen years)….we could begin to reverse the damage we’ve done to Mother Earth and hope and pray (to our various gods) that we’re not too late.

7. How do we organize this collection and subsequent dole-out? get Ariana and Jon Stewart (I’m not kidding) and a dozen other smart, progressive, usual suspects to sit on the  board of our new non-profit NGO …BuyTheGovernment.com…and let’s go..!

“don’t stop believin’…”

Friday, June 24th, 2011

D.C.Daily

 

 

 

 

i know not wherefore, but, of late, i have lost all my mirth*  …when i consider our president.

…and the truth is, i do kinda know wherefore…..look, I’ve tried to stay faithful, but the last few days have saddened me and the lapel pin that i have worn with pride and an eye towards a more hopeful future, (after years of being sure, thanks to brother Ralph’s convincing arguments, that democracy simply does not exist  and it never really did [ "you idiot..." understood] )…yes, THAT  PIN of Candidate Obama, on my old beat up black corduroy jacket, i had to take it off.  Right up ’til this morning, when i heard him speaking on that damnable dream crusher, NPR… i would, even in the face of mounting evidence that our boyishly handsome and undeniably likeable, president, is just a boyishly handsome and undeniably likeable, duplicitous, prevaricating scumbag  like all the rest (the rest..? the rest of what, Dick..? the rest of us..? the rest of them..? yeah let’s make it them… for the moment… them… POLITICIANS..!!!  i mean nobody’s perfect, but COME ON…!!!)  i would turn up my collar and hum a few bars of that ubiquitous Journey anthem….”don’t stop believin’, hold on to the feelin’..”

Alas, NO MORE… this morning,  my mirth freakin’ fled, when i heard Barack Obama, a man, who owes his position,  in large part, to the proposition that Federal hegemony supersedes a state’s sovereignty, especially, when it comes to civil rights. I heard HIM say that , although he supports them personally, he could offer no opinion on the adoption of laws pertaining to the equality of our LGBT brothers and sisters, because that’s something each state must decide for themselves. You lost me , brother, (i mean, obviously, I still have to support you, [the way i still have to support Bill Maher, cf. blog entry of 3/7/10] … ’cause the mouth breathers [what does that mean ..?   its like "hatracks", right..?  'cause that's what i mean by it...] …the total cretins that will, undoubtedly, be running against you, will force my hand, literally and once again, to the lever  marked “D”) …………….but, you lost me.

Is there anybody (other than those blinded by having someone’s scrotum laid across their eyes [mind you,  i would defend, though, perhaps not to the death, the tea bagger's right to perform this venerable sacrament]…) who truly believes that those who struggle for their rights under the rubric LGBT, are merely exercising a frivolous, lifestyle choice (not that you shouldn’t be free to exercise frivolous, lifestyle choices [that don't hurt other living things], but that’s a whole ‘nother kettle of fish).  Lesbians, Gays, Bi-Sexuals and Transgender People should have equal rights with all the judgmental assholes that oppose them, and if a church, or any other other organization, doesn’t  want to honor their rights, then…. that’s fine…a church is a club and freedom of speech demands that even a bunch of neo-Nazis in Skokie, should be allowed to apply for a parade permit, but that church, and those Nazis, should not expect to operate tax-free and have their tax bills paid by those who are shunned by their club…sheeeeiit, it only makes sense…surely, the pope will understand this….if  he ‘s not too busy, ordering his latest pair of Prada’s.

And then, there you are, withdrawing 5,000 troops by summer’s end, from a war that could have been an enthusiastic international police/charity effort…which would have for a tenth of that trillion in “treasure” (i hate that word the way you and other politicians use it…”treasure” is generally something either found or buried by pirates and its often “ill-gotten” and if its the verb usage it means to value something with all your heart…as in, ” I used to treasure the memory of the day you were elected..”…and if its that usage then the only thing we sent overseas that we should really treasure is the men and women we have sent to live-or-die in a world, and for a cause, we do not truly understand) you and your predecessor have spent…after ten years of the combined policing efforts of the FBI and Scotland Yard and the Sûreté and the KGB and all the others,  we could have rounded up all the criminals and with the help of a coalition sponsored national works program (see: WPA), changed the economy to one based on something other than heroin (although saving half of the fields for morphine production might not be a bad idea….) and for 100 billion (per G-20 country, okay,  500 from us and the E.U.)…we could have fed, clothed, educated and offered comprehensive health care to the entire population and left years ago with a brand new, smiling, grateful  friend who would have our back in the years to come.and we could have done the same fucking thing in Iraq..!!!!    And with the hundreds of billions left over we could have given food and fresh water to everyone on the Planet..!!! Hey, this isn’t pie in the sky bullshit, check the numbers…between Iraq and Afghanistan over 2 trillion bucks…trillion…!!! this is world changing money, my friends. 5,000 troops by summer’s end and 10,000 by the new year….too few, Mr. President…too slow and too few… As my hero, Jon Stewart, exhorted you at the end of his piece on your speech yesterday…“BRING THE BOYS HOME…!!!!”

This morning, the president lost me…and I pray, to my mysterious (but always benevolent, in my imagination [i don’t really know, ’cause they don’t actually exist..erp {cool, i get to use the brackets.….which is not to say that i think a divine entity could not exist…i just hope its not any of the ones I’ve ever heard of…wait…“God is Love”…i like that one}]) Gods, that  he will try to win me back, because we need someone brave enough to fight for all of us…I took off my pin this morning, but, I’m not going to throw it out…..not yet.

 

* i apologize to the Bard’s Ghost for frequently, and miserably, paraphrasing his brilliant work…please, know, WS, my liege, my heart,  that i worship the ground you (once upon a was) walked on…..

Swamp Fox has left the building…

Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

D.C.Daily

 

 

 

Leslie Nielsen died today…another nail in the coffin of the BGCY(Boomer Generation’s Collective Youth…) Howdy Doody, Froggy and his Magic Twanger, Circus Boy and The Space Race…The handsome young fellow with a girl’s first name, Leslie, who played the dashing, young REVOLUTIONARY hero, with a girl’s first name, FRANCIS marion, is gone… and one more of the thousand BORNE that mark  my life’s journey through the tale of days  TUMBLEs  BY THE  wayside….indications of mortality….friends and family’s and friend’s family’s deaths and illnesses …  my third back operation in a year and subsequent painfully slow recuperation…and my friend’s wonderfully creative blogs that more and more shun their insightful explorations of the zeitgeist, in favor of touching recollections of bygone daze and/or wrenching examinations of the crumbling psycho-sexual-economic constructs woven into the tapestries of  our personal lives and loves…..sheeesh..!! what the hell….!!!! MORE TO COME………

Ari-el or Yisrāzona ..?

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

D.C.Daily

Although the advisability of my plan for the resolution of strife in the Middle East is not certain and it may not meet with the approbation of all parties involved…it has been brewing for almost 30 years…and the current situation vis-à-vis the blockade of the Gaza Strip, along with the elevation of Hamas to government status in part of the Palestinian Territory and then, what with the re-installation of the ultra-conservative Likud leader, Benjamin Netanyahu as Prime Minister of Yisrael…all of these factors combined have forced me to make known publicly (and admittedly, perhaps, prematurely, and, not to mention…idiotically) the general framework for my brilliant scenario for peace in the Promised Land.

* The Virtues of Medīnat Yisrā’el (the State of Israel):

A highly organized and technologically advanced society with a wealth of  human resources in the Arts, Medicine and Science…proven history of expertise at internal security and border control…a fascinating people with a sense of history and tradition along with a willingness to innovate in countless fields of human endeavor or… wait a minute…listen to a few seconds of Mark Twain’s “Essay…Concerning the Jewish People” from Harper’s Magazine, September 1899 “…If statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one percent of the human race. It suggests a nebulous dim puff of stardust lost in the blaze of the Milky way. properly, the Jew ought hardly to be heard of, but he is heard of, has always been heard of. He is as prominent on the planet as any other people, and his commercial importance is extravagantly out of proportion to the smallness of his bulk. His contributions to the world’s list of great names in literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine, and abstruse learning are also away out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers. He has made a marvelous fight in this world, in all the ages; and had done it with his hands tied behind him. He could be vain of himself, and be excused for it…” Well put, Sam, after that, most people would say,“…now, they sound like desirable neighbors…”

Downside: In order to satisfy the (altogether reasonable) desire of the Jewish people to find a permanent place to live in peace and prosperity after the various disasters and hardships visited upon them during the Diaspora…they decided to return, en masse, to the biblical “Promised Land” and as a result of this ill-advised attempt to go home (you can’t go home again), they have found themselves living in the middle of a hornet’s nest, surrounded on all sides by a people, who, although they share the same Semitic blood, (the history of enmity between brothers is always the bloodiest, isn’t it..? Cain and Abel…The English and Germans in two World Wars, the North and South, Athens and Sparta, the good citizens of Belfast, etc…etc…etc…etc…etc….et cetera..) despise them and are determined to never, never, ever, ever let them live in peace.

* The Virtues of the State of Arizona:

An unbelievably beautiful desert state with a significant Native American population and the fastest growing major metropolis (Phoenix/Scottsdale) in the United States…sunshine year ‘round…unlimited solar energy…pockets of highly progressive individuals help foster a good vibe in the state as a whole…and also, it has a population almost identical to Israel, but about 13 times the land.

Downside: bunch of yuppie spas (could easily be converted into National Park Spas offered to all at a reasonable rate…[like the cabins on the South Rim of the Grand Canyon]) and a**hole conservatives led by ex Party-Fly-Boy, jock douchebag John McCain…pockets of right wing,scumbags whose policies are threatening to give Arizona a bad name and dismember that “Good Vibe” by enforcing bizarrely backward-thinking border laws and encouraging racist attitudes, instead of just securing the border and offering amnesty to our hard-working decent Mexican visitor/friends and imprisoning Mexican (and American) coyotes and violent heavy-drug runners (if we’d just get off the stick and legalize pot.. it’d make it a lot easier to separate the wheat from the chaff, dealer-wise…meth and crack are exceedingly anti-social…pot is not..!) and anyone guilty of violent crime.

* The Virtues of  Ari-el (or Yisrāzona):

It becomes the hands down grooviest, most progressive and most prosperous state in the union, divided into three new “Super-Counties”…the Northeast is Navaho County which voluntarily ditches the sobriquet “reservation” and includes parts of Monument Valley and the Canyon de Chelly (and with the help, ingenuity, generosity and sensitivity of the good people in the county next door, working together with their new neighbors, the Navaho people transform their land from a depressed poverty-stricken outpost of a once proud people into a thriving Native American civilization once again, with beautiful farms and villages…a chicken in every pot and a sweat lodge for every family, as well as, hospitals and schools, including a Native American Dineh University (University of “The People”) to rival any in the world….in the Southwest is Amerizona County which includes Tucson, Phoenix/Scottsdale, Yuma and Lake Havasu City, all of which thrive in a state that becomes the global showcase for new technology, thanks to the arrival of about 6 million, happenin’ Israelis (5,660,700 Jewish citizens as of December 2009 and a number of Arab family members and others who insist on moving with their friends..…and in the center, from the Northwest to the Southeast, stretching in a more or less Israel-shaped (but with five times the area) parcel is Nuevo Israel County… which includes the Grand Canyon, the Painted Desert, Flagstaff becomes the New Jerusalem, with settlements all along the Mexican Border (from below Tucson East to New Mexico) that help to secure the border, while at the same time offering a welcoming presence to all our neighbors South of the Border…the perceived difficulty of our relationship with Mexico will seem child’s play for a people who have dealt with the exigencies of life in the Middle East…Instead of being isolated, the Jewish population of Ari-el/Yisrāzona will have Las Vegas on the North (a little town thrown together by a jewish kid from Brooklyn) and on the west by Southern California which includes an enclave called Hollywood, where a bunch of Jewish kids from back east started one of the most affluent and influential industries in the world… modern ShowBiz..!  The center of the global Television and Film industry with a significant Jewish population is right next door…!!! C’mon…C’mon….C’mon ..it’s a complete no-brainer..!!!  All that’s left is for the Congress to pass a little immigration legislation, for the people of Arizona to understand the benefits, and for the President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama, to extend the invitation, on behalf of a grateful nation…ending the whole Arab-Israeli nightmare would be such a feather in our cap… sure, there will be some orthodox nut-cases (from here and there) who will despise the idea and shout, “Blasphemy” but, we’ll move the Wailing Wall and The Temple Mount, in fact, the entire HaRova HaYehudi, to Sedona and all will be well… Mazel tov…!!!

Downside: In spite of having been the home of Stewart and Mo Udall, two of my favorite politicians from the 60’s (albeit, scions of a huge, strange Mormon dynasty that politicked in four western states over the years)…Arizona is more well known for Barry Goldwater, who, as a proto-libertarian had many ideas I could get behind but, the bad thing is, his, by and large, conservative stance, helped move the republican party towards the logical terminus of Reagan/Bush where our social policy was promptly given over to religious fanatics and their collective economic policy could only be called, “How to Bow before Mammon” Then there is John McCain, who because he was pretty funny for an old guy and seemed to be something of a mav…er…iconoclast…was early on, a favorite on my preferred talk show/faux news circuit boys… Jon and Stephen and Bill all fawned over John, until he ran in earnest and sold out completely and you realized that his swagger and “coolness” was really just, “can’t grow up bad-boy-fighter-pilot-jock-spoiled-frat-boy war hero ‘cause he lost a couple of multi-million-dollar aircraft and spent time as a prisoner of war in a war we (and he) should never have touched with a ten-foot pole.” And then, he showed his true colors by, disrespecting the American flag and himself and Arizonans and all of us by suggesting that an awful, ignorant redneck from a small town in Alaska should be his running mate and therefore a heartbeat away from the presidency of these United States…Holy sh*t…John, were you out of your f**king mind…??!!?? Amazing…anyway, he and his supporters will no longer be the majority in Ari-el/Yisrāzona …I believe when security is no longer an issue the allure of Netanyahu and the Likud Party will lose its appeal and the big hearted, liberal mentality of the majority of the jewish people will reign supreme in the desert.

N.B. please allow me to make it perfectly clear (to anyone who gives a damn) that my plan is anything but flippant…it is a desperate response to a desperate situation that only appears to become more and more desperate with each passing year….please, Israel, please…come to our desert…!!!

It’s Wednesday and the rant is due.

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

D.C.Daily

So you have (prepare for oxymoron) all the Right Wing Think Tank guys spurting nonsense about how you mustn’t tax the rich, because if you take money away from the geniuses who occupy the realm of the Uber Rich you will cripple the creative drive of mankind…well, my friends, its such a load of crap (read: collection of notions based on a specious premise) that the world’s progress depends on keeping the well-to-do..(well-to-do), that only over-paid PR flaks could actually (even pretend to) believe it…creative genius appears in every socio-economic group and hard workers are more likely to sport cloth caps than bejeweled tiaras…give money to lower middle class, or even poor, women if you want to see real productivity (check the stats on the micro-banks flourishing around the globe) You want to raise the tax base…? Give every unemployed American a job working on (and in) schools and hospitals and building and running a new “off the grid” America…taxes galore..! Then, take the trillion dollars spent every ten years or so, on the various corporate-sponsored Greed Wars, away from Halliburton (and all the other non-tax paying corporations that comprise Grandpa DDE’s Military –Industrial Complex) and the Bush family (and Saudi friends)… and use it to completely revamp this beautiful country of ours…And if you want to find the money to provide health care and a good education for every American and fix the infrastructure and move the world away from its dependence on fossil fuel and fully re-fund social security and do all the things that we as the wealthiest country in the world are capable of doing…well okay then…let’s get back to a 70% marginal tax rate for all people with an income of over $500,000 a year and you know what…??? the rich will still be rich..!!! (that’s how rich the One Percent have become since Reagan threw all caution to the wind in the 80’s and removed any obstacles to an upper class that could be completely unrestrained by any sort of moral (or legal) code whatsoever)…they’ll still have many houses and pools and tennis courts and country clubs and boats and cars and planes and servants and caviar and champagne and no shortage of foie gras and platinum Rolexes and trophy wives and super-duper extra special boutique/spa health care …if they paid 70% of their annual income, they will still have enough money to persue their creative impulses and fly Emirates first class cabins to Dubai for an indoor, summer skiing weekend for $17,000 round trip per person from JFK and they’ll still be able to spring for the $10,890 a night suite at the Burj Al Arab….they’ll have all of that and they will live in a secure America filled with educated, healthy citizens and the lowest crime rate around and all they have to do to is to stop paying politicians to fuck the little guy (and to kiss their asses) and put a significant percentage of their gain (ill gotten or otherwise) to work turning this country of ours into a workable prototype of heaven on earth and then we need to make it our business to export our ecstatic lifestyle to anyone who wants to get off the greed wagon and join our brotherhood, our sisterhood…. our family of Man.

DumbDumb……me want GumGum…

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

D.C.Daily

I have, of late, looked at dozens of clips of tea party goers; and read hundreds of signs, proudly held aloft, at their events; and listened to their litany of grievances as expressed on the local news and…felt the hatred coming off their bodies in waves and been utterly amazed by the slack-jawed vapidity of some of my fellow Americans. Question….is all the stuff  I’ve been seeing, hearing and reading carefully selected by tea party opponents…? I mean, I’m not using a special, bleeding heart browser…just the usual googling…clicking on videos, images and websites, regardless of their apparent partisanship, one way or t’other…and I haven’t come across anyone yet that you would voluntarily splash around in the communal (gene) pool with…or…or (loud sigh) do I mistake myself…and are these stolid citizens representative of the very finest America has to offer..? Are these staunch defenders of the faith really the cream of the genetically modified crop. Hammity, Blechh, Flush and the Fox-Box, all seem to think so…they say that these tea baggers are the salt of the earth and deserve our undying support and gratitude for their fearless assault on the forces of darkness that are currently occupying the White House and a majority of the seats in Congress…This is the kind of thing that could make rational observers feel as if they’re totally losing their minds…the real problem is that this movement has far more in common with the tea party overseen by the Mad Hatter than the one that took place in Boston Harbor…let’s compare them, shall we..? First, the Bash at Griffin’s Wharf, December 16th 1773…it was about rejecting taxation without representation…it was about throwing off the oppressive yoke of a foreign potentate…whereas, the current tea party is about bitching because of financial woes brought about by a bunch of greedy bastards that these self-same idiots voted into office…now, we call a person who sees something that’s white and calls it black, delusional, and that kind of madness is more of the Mad Hatter variety, than the righteous anger expressed by disgruntled Bostonians towards the government of King George. How about a few quotes from the two groups; first, a Whig of yore (Samuel Adams, to be precise): “No people will tamely surrender their Liberties, nor can any be easily subdued, when knowledge is diffused….On the Contrary, when People are universally ignorant… they will sink under their own weight without the Aid of Foreign Invaders”…hmmm, “universally ignorant”..? Try these tasty bon mots from the wig(ged out) followers of the Fox, who proudly raise their “Made in America” placards from coast to coast lately… If You Don’t Understand This Protest, You Must Have Attended Government Schools (I guess that means College of William and Mary, Georgia Tech, UCLA, UC Berkeley, University of Michigan, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, UConn and all the other crappy state-sponsored universities that are…everywhere… you look) or how about; MODERATE REPUBLICANS Follow Specter’s Lead – Don’t Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out (now that one has my complete support); You Cannot Help the Poor by Destroying the Rich (or its hackneyed doppelganger) Don’t Expect to Build Up the Weak by Pulling Down the Strong ..Calvin Coolidge.(well, he’s my personal hero..! [but, fortunately, for every living American today... FDR was not a fan]); God, Guts, and Guns Bought Our Freedom and Is Needed to Keep It (now you’re talking…shades of Dubya’s syntax) and finally; picture an obnoxiously loud, orca-fat, foulmouthed, racist moron, farting and belching as he lowers his brewsky, to facilitate the heroic hoisting of this hand-scrawled beauty…….. I AM SPARTACUS! (‘nuff said.)

Ultimate Cage Match: Mankind Vs. Planet Earth

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

D.C.Daily

Somehow, as always, I don’t know how they do it, but, its brilliant…the hopelessly, pathetic morons who populate the Fox News Channel (simpleminded lackeys, for the Neo-Con cogniscenti, who themselves, are mere [unwitting] toadies for the Almighty Dollar worshipping Apolitical Super-Rich [the ASR (or Æsir]…these are the Gods of a Bygone Age [the GBA], the True Wasp Gods [the TWGs], the Original Norse Gods [the ONGs], or, the Gods Who Ruled Germany and Great Britain in Their Formative Years [the GWRGAGBFYs… pronounced gwerGAGbuhfees], it is these gods who rule Wall Street, and therefore, The World. [Yessireee Bob…..! the Æsir !!! you’ll be hearing more about them in the “my mind” to come…its serious, crazy-as-a-bedbug conspiracy stuff, which is probably inaccurate only in its underestimation of the truly reckless nature of these business school banditos])…anyway, these guys have managed, yet again, to frame the argument in such a way as to minimize the scope of the problem and, indeed, question the basis for the alarum sounded by the environmental movement altogether…the insidious way the haves have, for millennia, played the have-something-but-not-lots off against the have-nots has worked very well for them…you can make 5000% profit (that’s fifty times your investment, baby) buying drugs wholesale in South America, Afghanistan and Southeast Asia (why do you think drugs are both illegal and so easy to get..?)…selling them to the poor, who then prey on the buffer (read: middle) class, mugging them, knocking off their small businesses, stealing their TVs and…making the middle class despise the poor and admire the rich and then, when the health care reformers come ‘round…they’re all about bankrupting the middle class to pay for the poor and murdering everyone’s parents…and abortions are about killing sweet little babies (not about avoiding back alley hanger abortions) while, when, and if, Roe V. Wade is finally overturned, the rich will have their unwanted heirs aborted in deluxe Swiss spas, as always…its all business as usual, my friends…global warming…? then, why so much snow…? or…it was this hot in the middle ages…and…spending money on the environment is a waste and making corporations clean up their own acts will only kill jobs…forget about pouring poison into lakes and streams and into the atmosphere and strip mining mountains and burning the oxygen-supplying rain forests and over-fishing and over-hunting species into extinction and depleting natural resources and outright raping the third world of its resources without so much as a by-your-leave….Ah…its all too much to take…!!! how do you stand it Jon Stewart, how do you, night after night, find the strength to make fun of these guys and not go completely fucking bonkers when faced with their endless shenanigans..?…I applaud you, sir and thank you…and hope that you will continue to fight the good fight…until you’re totally batshit…(better you, than me…erp…just kidding…I got yer back, brudder)

BigAsswipe.Com*… Black Bart’s not so Bright

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

D.C.Daily

Peeking behind the curtain at BigGovernment, BigJournalism and BigHollywood (all sprung from the same vat of reactionary revisionism that has produced the “new & improved” neo-con stew that’s been stinking up the place, since the early 1980’s**) we find a steaming pile of self aggrandizing horseshit, named Andrew Breitbart.  It seems, at least, according to his brief bio in this week’s Time Magazine, that, after his antics at the chichi Brentwood School, guaranteed his banishment from consideration by the Ivy League, he headed south to Tulane, where he was easily the smartest pledge at his Delta Tau Delta***fraternity house and it was there, on hundreds of drunken nights, that he saw how easily controlled rednecks were and decided to settle down to a life of manipulating those of limited intellect and abundant faith … faith in guns … faith in God … and faith in all the other goodies that make up “good old boy” gumbo… after four years of dedicated partying, Andy headed West …and got schooled by Matt Drudge, of the Drudge Report, and Arianna Huffington (before she lost religion and shed her red robes to become the white queen of the compassionate Left, as patroness of the Huffington Post)…and now he’s the darling of the Tea Party set…introducing Sayrah Palin at the Tea Party National Convention in Nashville… like Limbaugh and Coulter (sheesh, the blood runs cold), he is a hatemonger and a nastily funny guy (yes, I’m pretty sure Coulter is a dude and I don’t include Hannity and O’Reilly in my little group of Fox Hole denizens because neither of them are funny, except in their own minds, and Hannity is just a plain waste of time and then, I also have this crazy recurring dream about Colbert’s beloved Papa Bill****). The terrible thing about all these guys is that they remind me of L. Ron Hubbard’s stoned rap sessions with his pals from the JPL at Cal Tech back in the early days, when he posited that the best way to make really serious bread was to start  your own (admittedly, bullshit) religion and then proceed to fleece the flock. Fox News (and friends) understand the entertainment value of spewing outrageous lies about decent people and then feeding on people’s irrational fears and just like L.Ron and all the Marjoe Gortners of old, they are raking in the dough…and that’s sad, really, really sad.

* BigGovernment.com, BigHollywood.com, Big Journalism.com are all the brain-children of the megalomaniacal Andrew Breitbart (subject of this blog post) and I’m offering him dibs on BigAsswipe.Com which, I think, might make a swell name for a new site (under his “Big” rubric) offering the biographies of both himself and all of his friends at the forefront of the Tea Party, Neo-Con, White Supremacist and many, assorted, domestic, terrorist movements that he seems so anxious to pimp for.

** Irving Kristol, Daniel Bell, Norman Podhoretz, Daniel Patrick Moynihan, Irving Howe are among the unbelievable group of students studying together at the City College of New York during the period from 1930 through the fifties when a number of circumstances, war and depression and the attendant refugee surge combined with the fact that CCNY offered advanced degrees for free…free…? Yes, free graduate curriculum combined with money-strapped minds equals an educational milieu that produced some of the most progressive and interesting thinking of the past 75 years and spawned not only the Neo-Con Philosophy (not to be confused with the mindless, Reagan Era Neo-Con Movement promulgated by the lame children of those truly novel thinkers of CCNY in days gone by) but, much of the most influential progressive and liberal thought…free education..!!! socialist bastards…!!! what is this? France, fer Chrissake…?!!&##??

*** although the Tulane chapter that Breitbart held sway over was obviously nothing to write home about, Delta Tau Delta, is a well-respected national fraternity with a widely (and wildly) varied band of brothers, including: Dick Cheney’s predecessor as CEO of Halliburton, Thomas H. Cruikshank; symbologist/mythologist/writer/lecturer Joseph Campbell (of The Power of Myth fame); Reagan/Bush Press Secretary, Marlin Fitzwater; NFL-Quarterback, John Elway; actor Matthew McConaughey, comedians Will Ferrell and Drew Carey;  New Mexico governor, Bill Richardson and Supreme Court Justice William Brennan.

**** He (Bill O’Reilly) wakes up one day, with a heart-filled-to-breaking with love for his fellow Man, and freaks everyone (including himself) out by experiencing a Huffingtonesque epiphany to become a Great Champion for  the downtrodden and, after apologizing to Senator Al Franken (how wonderful..) and countless others, proceeds to excoriate Karl Rove, Grover Norquist and William“Wrong about just about Everything” Kristol (misbegotten scion of the right wing of the CCNY Gang of New York Intellectuals **) and Rush “Big, Fat Liar” Limbaugh and the rest, from his new pulpit on MSNBC (somewhere, in between Keith O. and Rachel M. and far to the left of Chris Matthews).

Maybe Democracy Isn’t Completely Dead..!

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

D.C.Daily

“…and  may god bless the snouting, velvet Dingells…”

It has felt so much like the fix is in, for so long now, that, even though we have a black (ok..mixed race) american named Barack Hussein Obama in the White House…it still seemed as if it was all a con to assuage the fears of those of us who still love the notion of a free and democratic society (and not a tri-lateral [or whatever-the-hell] oligarchy) and when he hired a bunch of GOBs  from Wall Street and gave all this bailout money to The Street, with so little regulation…it seemed to confirm, for many of us, our worst fears…but, I’ve got to say, when the regrettably, far- from- the-universal-healthcare-of-our-dreams (but still monumental), health reform bill, passed the Congress, last night, the voices of tens of millions of Americans from over the past 75 years since the congress passed the Social Security Act of 1935 (as part of FDR’s [& John David Dingell, Sr.’s] New Deal) and the Social Security Amendment Act of 1965 (that saw the creation of Medicare and Medicaid during the socially progressive Great Society under LBJ [& John David Dingell, Jr.]) these voices were finally, at long, long, long, long, long last…heard. And as Dylan Thomas, a hard drinking Welshman, might have said, were he watching the historical (and interminable) roll calls on the TV above the bar at the White Horse Tavern, on Sunday night (and with the blessing of his spiritual kinsman, Sen. Edward Kennedy [they say the Welsh are the Irish who couldn’t swim]) “…the houses [of Congress] are blind as moles (though moles see fine to-night…)”  so…thanks, Mr. President, and all your cohorts, sir, for all your persistence, on all of our behalves.

IAmAmerica(ascy!) “I sing the Colbert eclectic…”

Saturday, March 13th, 2010

D.C.Daily

Pages xi, xii and xiii (Introduction)

It was just down the road from the Colbert family home, in Charleston, S.C., where local legend, Dick Tater (who came from a family of dirt poor, kudzu farmers and rose to dizzying heights as Assistant Day Manager of the Francis Marion Memorial Piggly Wiggly [Boundary St., off Ribaut] in Beaufort, South Carolina) once said, “If you’ll take my advice……I won’t have you gutted, and strung up on a meat hook.” It is precisely this kind of psychotic, self confidence, combined with a crystal clear sense of purpose and an uncanny ability to motivate (and schedule) employees, that drove the Original Hero, Our Leader, Stephen T. Colbert to put together “I Am America (and so can you)” in the hope that, by listening to his every dictatered word and hewing close to the path he has limned in this book, you and your loved ones can escape..the Hook.

Fromm a very early age, little “Stefano” Colbert, despised reading and detested books, he had nightmares that he would wake from, shouting aloud that if he could, he would, “drown his book…deeper than did ever plummet sound..” He also took to calling his pet schnauzer, “Mooncalf”, and late at night would whine until somebody fetched him a “trinculo” of water…all of this apparently sprang from the trauma of his having been forced to read one, single play.*** This sort of thing scared the Colbert family nanny so much, that she returned to the Georgia Sea Islands and the relatively sane eccentricities of Santeria…rather than endure any more of Stephen’s antics. As a young lad, Stephen avoided many bothersome trips to the woodpile by using his schoolbooks as kindling. He would happily sit at the feet of his Great “GronPear” Colbert, warm before the fire, listening, respectfully, to the nasty old fart’s completely incomprehensible stories, of his rambunctious youth, or so Stephen supposed, and occasionally pause, so that his “lazy-ass grandson” might empty his drool cup.

Frighteningly cozy experiences like this, at the hands of any number of aged (and often flatulent) kin are what helped turn the tender, innocent, young, sweet, supple, smooth, porcelain skinned Boy Stephen, he once was,  into the  mightily sinewed, steely-eyed, iron-willed, supremely gifted, supple, smooth, porcelain skinned Man Stephen, he is today. A powerful polemicist who holds forth for an excruciatingly difficult 22 minutes a night on camera, an unbelievably wearying four nights a week, for 40, or so, weeks a year …with nothing but an extremely lucrative contract (that includes full medical and dental for his entire extended family [the same policy that is standard for all members of the U.S. Congress] and all-expenses paid vacations [fact-finding “junkets”, in congress-sssspeak] with a minimum of two weeks a year at DisneyWorld, guaranteed. Even so, this demanding schedule has Colbert so befuddled that the poor man believes that “Korean baby carrots are trying to… effect the transubstantiation of the Holy Eucha-limp-rist and… turn him gay.” (lines 21-24…pg. xii, Introductionplus, stuff I made up…)

Now, according to my imagination, Stephen’s great GroanPear Colbert von Kuhlbert bore a striking resemblance to the great American poet (and famously closeted homosexual) Walt Whitman, although, by my own account, Whitman was not a man given to excessive flatulence and ergo, far less of a mensch, than Stephen’s Grand Da, who, even as a boy, in Hannibal, MO, (once again, in my mind) could blow a hole in a whitewashed fence, from twenty paces, while walking away..!

…how to read His book…pg. xiv

I fear that here, I have gone astray, and I hope by, briefly, relating my sad tale to you, dear reader, that you will avoid the errors, to which, I,  fell prey.

It all started when I was writing these very words in the margin of the book* and my pen knocked over my beverage (I always have a Julep, or two, on hand, to slake my thirst, when I’m laboring in the fields of Colbert) onto the page* with the hole in it(where I had cut out a picture of Our Hero to put in my wallet* [so people would think that he and I are friends*]) and now the ragweed I had pressed* on the page behind it is wet…and even though this is the cheapest discount paperback edition I could find* I think its too messed up now to use it to swear in the new mayor of ShroomTown, my fungus city, I have growing, where I gutted the mid-section of this book, to make room for it*. Fortunately, I’ve already loaned the book to everybody I know* And finally, with all that has happened, I’ve had to rip off the corners of most of the pages that are left* in order to make the book balance properly, when my wife spins it on her head, to entertain the good people of  ShroomTown*.

Okay, well, that’s my story and now I have to hang my head, in sham, and head over to The Strand to buy a used copy of The Book (sometimes you can find a really beat-up one for a buck in the racks outside the store..!) in order to continue my review…Please, for Stephen’s sake, people, learn from my mistakes..!!!

***Prominent psychiatrists (I can’t remember their names just now, but trust me, they’re really prominent) say that the reason Colbert dislikes reading so, is that he has a fully “elastic”  intellect and even the smallest bit of information will instantly expand to fill his mind, rendering him incapable of speech, motion or any other activity, so over time, Stephen has learned how to avoid the acquisition of knowledge, and, in particular, the printed page, so as to keep his mind, virtually free, of thought, at all times….thus, Stephen, when he speaks, always speaks, “ex cathedra”, channeling the words of the Almighty…A mighty vessel, is he….“Sail away…sail away, Stephen T. Colbert…’til you cross the mighty ocean into Charleston Bay…!”

Next up: My American Childhood Chapter One…“The Family”