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Dateline: TDSWJS 3/9/10 Whet dream…

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

D.C.Daily

I had this wonderful dream last night that Jon Stewart did the unthinkable…he was…impolite…to a guest. Actually, he, verbally, tore this glib, neo-con dickwad, a new asshole, and then, when this Marc Thiessen schmuck (an ex-Bush/Rumsfeld speechwriter, how shameless is this guy, admitting to that..?) reacted to the endless torrent of invective that poured from Stewart’s Mother Wit and swore back at him (a feeble effort)…and even became threatening, in his posture. Wellllllll, Jonny wound up (you shoulda seen it, it was…..charmant) and knocked this smarmy fuck out of his seat and right onto the goddam floor, where he sat on his ass, bawling, like a baby, because most macho, know-it-all, pro-life, anti gay, pro-war, anti-matter, think-that-science-is-based-on-opinion, talk a lotta shit, shitheads, are humongous pussies inside…I remember, as a young, hippie boy in the Deep South, backing down redneck bullies (which was fairly easy, ‘cause they were typically, chickenshits*, unless they were in large anonymous groups [traditionally, in the corner of South Carolina, I lived in (where Bob Jones and other like-minded scumbags, like Sen. Jim DeMint, came/come from) they also liked to wear sheets and pointy pillowcases on their heads])….fucking cowards is what they were…and in my dream…small (but, little, ok,ok…but, feisty), quite sensitive, very funny, and unarguably intelligent Jon-Jon Stewart finally gets pushed too far by one of these ball-less fucks and gives him a jolly good thrashing….the same way the father in Beautiful Joe did, when he and his son are driving by in the horse-drawn milk wagon and they see the guy, in his backyard, cutting Joe’s tail off, on a stump, with an axe, and then…my dad jumps the fence, and thrashes that motherbounder and brings poor, beautiful Joe home with us, where we nurse him back to health and love him and eventually he gets his own talk show on the comedy channel…and, and, I was so proud of my Dad for saving that poor, little doggie……yeah, so Jonny beats the shit out of this turd and as he’s apologizing to his audience for…uh…losing his…er…composure, my wife (accidentally..?) smacks me in the head with the “Puglee” uglydoll I just bought her, for Freud’s Birthday ( I know, its early, but, we’re regressing nicely and I felt we just couldn’t wait)…annnnd…. up, I woke.…and…here we are.

*CAUTION: it is very important to note that chickenshits, in large numbers, are brutal and while most of my encounters were with one or two, I had a long-haired pal who was murdered by them after a dozen or so, raped his girlfriend…so, keep your eyes open…and stay alive friends…you are precious.

N.B. I would also like to add, that a lot of the folks that I encountered, in my years of living in The South, from the Rev. Martin Luther King, to many of my to-this-day closest friends, were/are funny, sensitive, strong, brave and highly intelligent individuals, whose most admirable characters and multi-faceted personalities were likely made even more indelible by having been forged in the crucible of “life among the troglodytes”.

Dateline: TDSWJS 3/8/10 “Suck it dry…”

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

D.C.Daily

Excellent as your interview with retired, and lovin’ it, Wall Street whistleblower cum misanthrope, Hairy Metropolis, was…and it really was…(I couldn’t get enough of  Mr. Markopolos’ straight talk…so, as long as it’s the rich stealing for the rich, its hands off for the SEC and obviously they, nor, anyone else within earshot of Harry’s astonishing claims, would allow themselves to give credence to the notion that the rich would allow themselves to be taken by one of their own…well…as John Oliver would say, (and did, repeatedly, last evening,) “Suck it, you rich bastards, suck it dry…” (you know, Jon, getting away with “suck it…” is time-honored envelope pushing…but, “suck it dry” [with its unavoidable, attendant imagery], as well as your full frontal “coupla beeps” while we read your lips, policy, are really helping to push back against the forces of darkness that are sponsoring media censorship in contempo-fucking-rary, Amerika…so, here’s a sincere Thank-You from us…at least I think…uh, you guys…?  yup…I was right….so say we all). Now, as I, alone, was saying, excellent as your interview was, it still came in third place, so awesome was the Show last night…Oliver’s “catechism of evil” appreciation speech at the Asaddamy Awards covered so much ground, and so suc(k)cinctly…and then Jason Jones fearless examination of the scandalous use of the image of notorious media-whore, Mother Teresa, on American stamps..…it had to be said..?

Colbert…10 PAGES THAT SHOOK THE WORLD..!

Monday, March 8th, 2010

D.C.Daily

The first Ten pages of Stephen Colbert’s stunningly magnificent, magnum opus, I Am America (and so can you!) are so superb, so… compelling…that one is tempted to drop everything, make a few calls and get together with one’s pals over a meal (breakfast, perhaps) to discuss and study, nay memorize, every word, so that we may recite, chapter and verse, when in communion with those poor souls who have not been blessed by receiving the “fruit of Colbert’s mental loins”.

Without the help of so much as a single word, pages One and Two, tell us so much more, than words ever could (unless, of course, they were His words) about the character of The Maste…er…that is, Mr. Colbert. In a style, reminiscent, of the sixties artist and pop god, Andy Warhol, the polytychal representation of  Stephens strongly chiseled features in silhouette will, undoubtedly, give the first time viewer a distinct frisson…they (his profiles) are perfectly symmetrical, and thus, perfectly conform to our western ideal of beauty and are, therefore, liable to bring a tear to one’s eye and make one’s heart ache with the utter exquisitrudaliciousness of Him all. Then, there is the confirmation of Colbert’s well-known color blindness as he allows himself to be depicted as both a Red and a Black man, not realizing that he is, in fact, as those of us who worsh…uh…admire him, can attest, as white, as the driven snow.

Page Three: informs us that we are lucky enough to be in possession of the “Collectible Paperback Edition” (valued on E-Bay auctions at only $0.50 to $1.25, a scant 3 years after its initial release … but, in a recent bust of a radical, Colbert is Our God (C.O.G….its members see themselves as mere cogs in the awesome machine, the unstoppable juggernaut, that is, The Colbert Nation) cell, in Boulder Colorado… ATF officials put a street value of  $2.6 million on a “contraband” filled steamer trunk (16 urine-soaked copies of I Am America). This is a more realistic appraisal [although, I must say that the ATF once busted me with two joints in my pocket, that they informed the media had a “street value” of $150,000). Page 3 also sports a swell shot of Stephen’s handsome, beaming face…almost psychotic in its warm intensity.

On Page Four, we find a delightful black & white engraving of our Leader (albeit, in the style of V.I. Lenin’s high school yearbook shot from the Simbirsk High Sabertooth) It is well known that, in college, Stephen briefly flirted with the Left, as most young men do (cf: young Screen Actor’s Guild President Ronald Reagan’s foolish condemnation of St. Joe [McCarthy], before he finally came to his senses [and grew a set of balls]), and the collegiate Colbert (or Steffi C., as all his pinko, queer pals called him) even went so far as to sing with a barbershop quartet called, The Volga Boatmen.

Page Five: The title page gives us the names of the thirteen disciples who cooked, cleaned, researched, and took care of all of Stephen’s “needs” as he slaved day and night, night and day, for three full days to put I AM AMERICA (and so can you!) together. These eleven men and two women account for the fair and balanced picture of life in contemporary America, so unforgettably painted on these pages.

Page Six: Stephen shows his design genius by putting all of the annoying copyright information in a five pointed, Star of Stephen, with barely legible white print on a solid red background that is guaranteed to excite the senses of the easily manipulated readers who typify the barely literate (“reading is for dullards…and who wants to be a duck..?” ) denizens of the Colbert Nation.

Page Seven: will make you weep…does Stephen dedicate this precious work to his wife, or his parents, or his children..? No..!!! Like a true patriot, Stephen is willing to lay down all their lives, without a second thought, for his one, true love…the dedicatee of I Am AmericaAMERICA..! (oh, Stephen…bravo….!)

Explosive…!! Pages Eight and Nine: (barely) contain the Table of Contents…for those of you unfamiliar with books, the TOC is, it would seem, a list of the chapters in a book, along with the name of each chapter, and the page number on which that chapter may be found..!!!! eg. Chapter SixSex & Dating” 1,001 Abstinence Positions Page 86 (86..? does that mean abstinence is off the menu.?) …Never mind, it is a marvelous idea and I’m not certain but, I think Stephen may be among the first, if not the first, author, to use this literary device, in a published work. Amazing…!

PageTen: A gorgeous portrait of The Nation’s fearless leader… …….Worldshaker Stephen Tyrone Colbert..!!!

Next up:10 More Pages That Shook The World!(the Introduction)

Alice in Underland “Bring me a pig, for my feet!”

Sunday, March 7th, 2010

D.C.Daily

My sweetheart and I saw the early show of Alice in Wonderland 3-D this morning, got home, descended into the Cave (there is a garden out back…its not so bad) and I just finished reading the iAlice 2.0 blogview of the movie, by The Moral High Ground blogger, Anna “have you fellated philately lately..?” Hedigan and although I disagree, wholeheartedly, with her opinion of the film (I believe the Reverend Dodgson’s seminal work should be [and has been] a springboard for imagination in all of us who’ve been touched [in the head] by it) I’m still happy to have found her…I like her writing style and the fact that she is, in her own words, “an expert shusher”… and all I did, was to google Tim Burton’s Alice and Charles Kingsley (the Edwardian botanist/author, who wrote one of the first novels I read as a child and one of the first written specifically for children, The Water  Babies)…in the film, Alice’s dad is named Charles Kingsley and I didn’t remember that from Carroll’s opus, so I figured it was an homage, likewise, I was also put in mind of the artwork of Maxfield Parrish (love that guy) on more than one occasion during the movie (as I was by Peter Jackson’s depiction of Rivendell, in the LOTR trilogy). By the bye, as I’m writing this, we’re watching today’s CBS News Sunday Morning, that I recorded while we were film-going earlier and there is a great report on Sean Penn’s work in Haiti. He comes across as clear, cogent and, all in all,  just a terrific subject for a video portrait (in complete contrast to his visit to Bill Maher’s show on Friday (digressed upon interminably in my last blog)…Back to Alice, so, although, Burton’s film script, picks only a couple of scenes and characters from the original, and expands upon them, to tell his sweet coming of age tale, in “Underland” (as he calls it) and even with little of the complexity of Carroll’s books, his visual imagination is so rich, beautiful and weird, and his mate, Helena Bonham Carter’s, Red Queen, his pal and Godfather to his children, Johnny Depp’s Mad Hatter and that girl from In Treatment (Mia Warsomethingski’s) Alice, along with McFly as the Knave (did you ever see Glover’s Bartleby…what a Scrivener..!! and how tremendously bizarre is this Melville genius, anyway…?) and Anne Hathaway’s White Queen and all the Voice Over actors/actresses… the March Hare, Dormouse, White Rabbit, etc… etc…etc…etc….et cetera, all hand in splendid performances, resulting in a movie that is great, great, great….great…………great.

I give it Twenty two and a half Bobos (a burger place i really liked, near my house in Hayward,CA, when I was five)highly recommended …add a dozen or so additional Bobos if you happen to be high, while viewing it, which is also highly recommended…highly, highly, highly….heidi hey…heidi ho…oh..oh…oh.

Dateline: Real Time w/Bill Maher 3/5/10

Sunday, March 7th, 2010

D.C.Daily

So, Bill Maher, huh?…comedian, political/cultural satirist, professional-burr-under-the-saddle of all them Texans what rode tall ‘til he come to town…he championed the (once) refreshing anti-PC stance (at a time when political correctness threatened to strangle lots of little free speeches in their cribs)…a serious horn-dog, who took over from James Caan as the most-likely-to-be-photographed-at-the-Playboy-Mansion celebrity (which makes him a hero in some quarters and a pig in others)…and an equally serious pothead, whose chauvinism and hard ass takes on many issues, including anything that smacks of spirituality, bewilders a lot of very mellow (and very high on buddha love) fellows who have fought for the legalization of grass for decades. And how wonderful that he took on organized religion, which should be considered an oxymoron on a par with military intelligence and jumbo shrimp…its just that in not understanding how important our myths are to us and how powerful faith in those myths can be, as Joseph Campbell explains so convincingly in his series of conversations with Bill Moyer on PBS) he succeeds in disposing of the baby with the bathwater. The truth is that, unfortunately, what I remember most about Bill Maher is this… back in’99, I think it was, I was in LA, waiting to audition (for a film called Monkeybone, I think…to play Attila the Hun…I didn’t get it…too bad, ‘cause I love that Henry Selick dude’s work [and he and/or the casting director should have known that Huns looked more like me (bearded Caucasian) than the mongol horde lookin’ dude that they finally hired [fine actor though he was]…anyway (sniffle) first movie I took my wife to (19 years before our wedding) was his [and Tim Burton’s] marvelous film The Nightmare Before Christmas […and then we got turned away from midnight mass at St. Patrick’s and went to worship a couple of cocktails at the Oak Bar in the Plaza Hotel instead….but…er…I digress…say, this megalomania stuff is contagious as hell…me, me, me…bill, bill, bill…bill]) so, there I was…in a hallway, on a folding chair, across from his offices when they finished taping an episode of Politically Incorrect and Maher comes storming down the hall, with his entourage, furious…I wave and say “hi” as his trousers brush against mine, en passant…he glares at me, says nothing and charges into his Green Room where I get to listen to him tear his staff a new collective asshole …‘cause the audience didn’t laugh enough…or something…I dunno…but, he sounded like a total dick and when he got pissed at his producer dude about the Michael Moore feed from NYC fucking up last night, on Live TV…it really didn’t sound like he was kidding and it brought back that unpleasant memory of my only encounter with this smart, but often smarmy, and (totally) self-involved bastid, who, alas, we still have an urgent need for, ‘cause he is generally on the side of progressive thought-waves and awash as we are, in a sea of mindless troglodytes (odd that troglodytes would not believe in evolution…you’d think they would understand its their only hope…no, then again, I guess there’s no real reason to think they would). So, there he was, interrupting his awful interview with Sean Penn, where Sean is totally lost in an effort to express his (deep and conflicted… read: human) feelings and thoughts about the miserable situation in Haiti and Maher is offering absolutely no help to focus them…terrible…and so, while Mr. Penn stumbles around (in the process, making a few, very interesting points that Maher lets fly right by, without comment, for instance, that although the third world’s distrust of our military is not without justification, their suggestion that our troops in Haiti have some fascistic agenda, is total bullshit and our soldiers there are doing some utterly selfless and splendid humanitarian work. Then, when he talks about his difficulties acquiring narcotics to deal with pain for the thousands of amputees and (as he horrifically points out… re-amputees) and Bill makes a little snarky drug joke…shit, Bill..!  no one says you have to talk about this heavy stuff, but, if you’re gonna do it…do it…(this is exactly the sort of thing [my hero] Jon Stewart handles beautifully, by A. being thoroughly prepared and B. by knowing when to joke and when to put a sock in it). Finally, when Penn gets it together in his response to Maher’s suggestion that he shouldn’t be palling around with an evil dictator like Hugo Chavez, by saying there have been 14 transparent democratic elections in Venezuela (all overseen by international election fairness observers [you know, the same ones that we refused to allow to observe our own election process in action] and that, as is always the case with our take on socialist movements, that we vilify the people’s heroes and say that 80% support (solely because the voters are all peasants and lower-to-middle class) is somehow, not real democracy… I once moved some furniture in Manhattan for a friend, with help from a kid from Nicaragua, whose upper class parents had split for Manhattan, with all their cash (as did the ruling class, who fled to Florida from the people’s revolution in Cuba [a truly popular movement, by the way, that has weathered 50 years of U.S. sanctions and still prefers poverty and deprivation to putting the country back into the hands of the Batistaites and the American Mafia that ruled the roost pre-Fidel  and then there are the tens of thousands of Giscard d’Estaing’s supporters, who headed for their pied-à-terre’s on Madison Ave. when Mitterand won in France (the first couple of years of the 80’s there was French spoken on every corner between 59th St. and 96th St. on the East Side)  and the countless other examples of the haves calling “foul” when their own ever-increasing greed  forces the have-nots to find the balls [and often, the luck] to pull off a revolution that brings them into power…I asked him what he thought about the whole megillah in his country and he said (the kid was about 17… and maybe 15, when they left, …”well,” he said,“my parents and their friends despised them [the Sandinistas], but the peasants [the huge majority, more than 85% of the Nicaraguan population] really loved them and they did a lot for them…so,” he guessed, “ they were pretty cool.”… and one of my brothers went to high school next to CIA HQ in Langley, VA, and at his 20th reunion, an old girl friend (who had spent years doing humanitarian work in Nicaragua) told him that Reagan’s heroic freedom fighters “the Contras” (you know the ones he [the borax shill] sold arms to Iran, for the money, to fund them, illegally, you know the story) would show up in their blue, Sear’s overalls, (clothed and armed by us…or, that is, the Reagan cabal), and rape and murder their way through village after village (on behalf of their born-again benefactors sitting at home, comfortably, watching the Big Game, on every Sabbath, during that Bloodsoaked Fall of ’85) aw shit…I’m so bad…okay…I apologize, give me a chance and I promise I will reign in my impulse to.………………no, who am I kidding, I won’t do any such thing…but, back to our review of last nights program… that’s right, dear reader, “our review” we’re collaborating on this sucker, youse didn’t know dat..?  Okay, so its awful, this interview, what with, Bill taking time out to berate his staff, etc…….so now, of course, he’s pissed, ‘cause everybody’s out to get him, although, I will say that as Penn was leaving, knowing how bad it was, he apologized, and Bill, said, as he was walking back to the panel, “no, man, it was great…no problem” which I thought was an expression of real largesse on his part, if you forget about the fact that he was no help to his guest, as the interviewer, and all…anyway then he introduces the panel, Arianna and some guy and it’s a real mediocre show because Bill is still pissed about the satellite thing…and then, the panel discussion gets interrupted by a…..at last…..mediocre chat with Michael Moore, where Maher makes a bunch of lame jokes about the Oscars and doesn’t really appear to be interested in what Michael has to say…jeez, then, he‘s back to the panel and when neither, they, nor the audience, laughs at one of his most banal jokes, that I can’t even remember and barely understood at the time (and I’m smarter than the average bear…well, okay, not much smarter, but, still ..) he actually got up and appeared to be threatening the audience…?????  What the fuck, Maher..? Oh, well, it was just a bad night, but, you know what the worst part was, Bill..? It was you.

Dateline: TDSWJS 3/4/10 …turn catwheels ‘cross the floo-or-or…

Friday, March 5th, 2010

D.C.Daily

So naturally, Jon, I was led astray by the initial phonemes of your evaluation of the latest web phenom, Chat Roulette…”free-float…” you said, and I was already off to the races…thinking, of course, of Karl Mannheim’s seminal work in the sociological formulation of the “Free-floating Intellectual” (the same sort of remarkably flexible archetype that I associate with you and all of your colleagues on The Daily Show, by the way) …instead, imagine the éclat, no, the frisson…I experienced when what followed those initial mellifluous words was  “…dongs” instead (and there you are, mon chef, serving up another plate of raw vegetables…incorrigible rascal…!!)  The piece that followed was utterly brilliant on every level and the cameos you were able to put together of the “The Best and the Brightest” of TV journalism was nothing short of astonishing…you had only to add Maddow, Lehrer and Colbert and you would have had a quorum (isn’t that a holy city in Iran..?) Thank you for so succinctly and humorously sounding the death knell for yet another unnecessary addition to the porn web, (which is doing just fine and doesn’t need another tumescent tool to extend its access to all the little twittering school children of the world (sorry, Brian, you and Jon will have to…skip the light fandango…( inspect one another’s penises) in the public restrooms of our country’s great transportation facilities, like all decent gentlemen do).

Dateline: TDSWJS 3/3/10 Megyn and Sarah

Thursday, March 4th, 2010

D.C.Daily

Its very sad that those personifying the  lowest common denominator make up the most vocal segment in our society…I mean real, bottom feeding creatures like Karl Rove, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh…oh, dear God, would that you did exist that You might smite these vermin that seek to infect Your children with their hate and fear mongering…Parenthetically, I find the basic tenets of Christianity, those enumerated on the Mount (the Sermon wherein that great rabbi, Jesus, rejected/improved His Dad’s/His Own tabloid instructions to Moses and the Jews) to be perfectly in line with all of the kindest and most enlightened teachings that have come down through the Millennia from our common ancestors (at their kindest and most enlightened moments)…and the rest….the burning bush, the wheels of fire, Jonah in the whale, the virgin birth, the walking on the water, the resurrection, and all the many aspects of a consensual hallucination that throughout the past three thousand plus years has featured various and sundry lowlifes using the Testaments of the Judeo-Christian faith as the basis for either a small minded, tawdry monotheism ruled over by a Vengeful God, or post-revelation, an equally bizarre tri-partitheism, regularly misapprehended by those who are either innocently ignorant or those who willfully reject rational thought at every turn(because it serves their nefarious ends) to keep the People ignorant and in a state of Perpetual Terror…these Fundamentalists of every stripe…who love to call anyone who disagrees with their blather “blasphemers” or ”wackjobs” or worse…and the lowest of the low (those who populate the studios and back alleys of Fox News) use to incredible advantage, the few hugely (and truly) charismatic Dumbasses that have dragged us through the shit for the  past thirty years, starting with the king, Ronald  Reagan (he would certainly have been a Tory at another point in American history…as would they all) and then Dubya and finally Sarah of Wasilla…The only advice she ever gets from her Dad is which ammunition to use….delightful…and Jay Leno, back-stabbing sycophant that he is, eats it up and then uses his dishonestly got position as host once again of late night’s only sacred talk show, a show whose position as the show biz apotheosis of every comedians dreams, an appearance that they spend countless hours in the  trenches working for…he cheapens this institution by allowing this backwoods Beauty Contest runner-up to do a stand-up routine center stage….if there was ever a question about how truly uncool Jay Leno is…surely the verdict is in…a great segment Jon… fair and balanced, as always … thanks.

Oh, one more thing…when is that Angela Davis show gonna start on the Acorn Network…? it looks like could be a welcome antidote to the Megah Pally Show

a whole gnu whirled…

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

D.C.Daily

From the desk of….

D.C. Daily      head bloggist

DCD: As this is my first actual muse (about my Muses), let me make it clear that while my amusement with and admiration for Jon Stewart and the entire cast and crew of the Daily Show may not be quite as gay as Jon’s own affection for our handsome president or the guy that got killed in potter and came back as vampire new moon guy or, of course, his cell block bitch, ricky gervais (hey, jon, you coulda been mommy) it is almost that gay.. I think that Jon and Gang and his pal, spun-totally-out-of-control, Stephen C (and His gang) are borderline comic geniuses who, with regularity, successfully tread the impossibly thin lines between fantasy and reality, social criticism and political satire, comedy and tragedy, day and night, man and woman, yin and yang, good and evil, love and hate, sweet and sour, up and down, frik and “frak”,  and Ham* and so, finally… Eggs.

*…although Jon Stewart is quite obviously a deeply spiritual man and it is also very evident, how proud of his Jewish heritage he is , still, it seems, to me, quite clear, that the man does not keep kosher.

Dateline: TDSWJS  3/2/10       Tuesday in the Snark with Jon

not a surprise, then, that dick von dickwad, the idiotic senator from hell (er…Kentucky […home of johnny depp, the Derby, blue grass, aged whiskey (all good) and, according to recent reports a huge population of drug-addled, gun-totin’, mountain folk living in double wides and electing assholes (not so much)]), would slam the elevator door on our hapless representative (some anonymous reporter from our “free” press)… in the same way that Bob Hope, once rolled up his limo window on my mother’s fingers in the streets of Coventry right after the War…bastards..! Anyway, listening to Mandy P./ G. Wilder (?) in such a confined space could result in great incivility in even the best of us (which, this schmuck, Bunning, lifetime ERA[ does not stand for Equal Rights Amendment] of  3.27….obviously, is not)…..But, man, honestly, is there anybody out there who digs this guy’s act…??? Speak up…!! What do you see in this homunculus..?

corruption in politics…of course…easy pickings…we’re all human, ergo…  power and  sex  are high on the list (for testosterone bearers, at any rate)…now if you add to that, enormous hypocrisy, on the part of the media and the public at large…(love that quote from someone in congress last week, who, when asked, “Why do you people in the Congress suck..?”, said, “We suck…because you suck.”)  Well, there it is …protect your eyes…post-modern stone casting will result in broken glass, no doubt. Anyway, add to human frailty, the need to raise vast sums of money to run a campaign for election, or better yet re-election… and then make no term limits, thus allowing corruptive power to corrupt absolutely over time and you’ve got a seriously marinated 20-term House of Representative PotPourri, (and that does mean Rotten Pot) starring Charley Rangel. (who is still probably a better Chair for Ways and Means than Fanne Fox’s boyfriend, Wilbur Mills was, when I was in high school, but, that doesn’t mean that uttering his name (or any one of five hundred and thirty-four others) won’t leave a bad taste in your mouth.)

skip 13 and a half inches forward (‘cause I love Samantha bee) and skip the kid with the carefully sculpted bedhead (‘cause I love Jon’s interviews)

and, Zen…loved the expression on the no-necked gent’s face as he listened to hannity spew (that’s how I feel whenever I even think of sean…sean…damn it…I hate it that this idiot has such a cool name…sean…ah well…the world is a sad and a beautiful place…and sean hannity helps make the sad part…sadder)

first notes…

Friday, February 26th, 2010

eye watch

Note to Your Grace…

Jonny, when you get back… (back..??? hey man, you know that you’re too important to have a personal life…nah, fuck that, take as much time as you need [you’re way too important to us to have you burn out] )…. you have got to just lay it out, ‘cause “ WE, THE PEOPLE, HAVE COMPLETELY LOST OUR FUCKING  MINDS”…. Right in front of us, we are watching the same avaricious bastards who just recently brought us to the brink of oblivion, sending thousands of highly paid ombudsmen with cash hanging out of their pockets to DC, to (successfully..and once again…) purchase our Congress… so please, fucking, please, pretty please with Mandelbrot on top…… jonny…. Will you excoriate the American people, or at least your relatively thoughtful public, for the limp-dicked bastards we have become (men and women…I know…I know…” women don’t have dicks…” still, you get my drift, ya bastid..)… and urge us to start screaming wildly and to, immediately, commence rioting in the streets … in DC, from the Mall, in front of the Great Emancipator,  to the White House lawn  and on every corner in NYC from your infamous studio on Eleventh Avenue to that other infamous eleven… 11 Wall Street (home of the infamous NYSE and many of the same infamous bastards (see above) whose greed has almost sent us spinning off into a wild, blue, and, one might imagine….also infamous…oblivion)

………………………………..

First draft of a Letter to the Editor of the (once prestigious) New York Times…

A Modest Proposal (deux..uh..duh)

Whilst at toilette (I call it my Situation Room) this snowy morn and mid-read through my umpteenth article on the virulent spread of Tea Partyism in America, I thought to myself, alas, why does there exist no countervailing, popular  movement of post-Enlightenment individuals willing to combat the woeful ignorance and fundamentalist fervor of these crazy-ass Tea-baggers (and naturally me thought that I probably know many of these quirky folk and they are not actually evil [what the hell is that, anyway..?], but merely…misunderstood)… so…where are the Coffee Houses, where congregate the Sensible Ones, The Sensitive Ones…who yearn for a world free of the repressive chains of Church and Special Interests… where is The Coffee Coalition, dammit…? Well, I did what any modern fellow (or gal) would do in such a situation and googled “Coffee Movement” and sure enough, found a post from 4 a.m. this very morning, from the Washington Post via The Huffington Post,  about an incipient group of “good-doers”  called the “Coffee Party”…of course, david, you get a brilliant idea…tens of thousands of “coffee houses” springing up all over the country dedicated to the proposition that all people are created equal and all we’ve got is each other and the animals and plants that co-exist with us on this spectacularly beautiful planet that we’ve been trying to destroy for the past thousand years (….the demolition didn’t really get into high gear until the Industrial Revolution)… and… someone, apparently Silver Spring, Maryland’s, Annabel Park, has already moved ahead with my plan (Microsoft did the same thing with Windows 7..and don’t get me started on the Internet and Netflix)… well…jolly good for you, Annabel (lovely name, by the way)  and even after seeing a couple of compelling videos from the CP…erp (that could be trouble)  I’m sure there’s room for one more…So..here it is, I, David… uh…(let’s call me.. ) Swift, being of relatively sound mind and (okay, admittedly) abused body…propose the further formation of a national movement of informal grass root coffee houses sponsored by The Coffee Coalition and dedicated to a few commonly held (tell me if I’m wrong) principles:

1. It is time for this country to nationalize the Health Care Industry…the amount of money and effort expended in advertising and paying lobbyists to corrupt our government officials is money and time that could be spent keeping all 300+  million of us healthy…! coordinated health care (even more wonderful and effective than Medicare already is..[and that’s saying something, if you are one who has, as I have , had to deal with this stuff in relation to a parent or friend and marveled at Medicare’s remarkable efficacy] ) is the only way to go and the time is definitely….Now…!

2. Women, finally, must be recognized as equal citizens to Men…an Equal Rights Amendment must be passed that ensures them the right to equal pay for equal work and the unassailable Right to make all decisions pertaining to their willingness, or lack thereof, to bring forth new life, as it were.. and for that matter, to decide (and this will apply to men as well) when its time to go and to be permitted to chose their preferred method of “shuffling off to Buffalo”. And while we’re on human rights, its finally time to say….no….SHOUT..”No..!” to the hideous Tea Party objections to the freedom and equality of our homosexual citizens and open all institutions ..the military, marriage, etc…etc… without caveat.

3. All people who are here within the borders of this country (and who want to remain here) should be regularized, welcomed,  and given the opportunity to become citizens, then, that done, our borders should be secured..(why is it that the discussion is always about a thousand border guards and a fence. What about twenty thousand border guards working out of a string of strategically placed  “Border Stations” and while we’re at it let’s have daily, weekly and monthly passes for “Guest Workers” who don’t want to leave their country but come over seasonally to help us with the crops, etc…. and speaking of jobs…its time to work on the infrastructure with some of that bank bail out money and missing pallets of tens of millions in the war on terror, to take us all off the grid and using alternative energy sources make every region in the country energy self-sufficient and guarantee full employment to all Americans who are willing and able to work. N.B. We can also raise significant funds to accomplish these goals by legalizing and taxing drugs which would take them out of the hands of criminals and the corrupt politicians they buy to assure their continued hegemony over the Drug Trade.

4. Let’s really recognize that although, in this wonderful country, we’re all allowed to believe whatever weird shit we want to, and we should attempt be tolerant of each others er… peculiarities … we should also make an effort to keep any single, wacky dogma from being pushed in our national institutions…that is schools and government buildings…and let’s not let (the more aggressively …uh….deluded) practitioners of any of these sects push their (bizarre) agendas( do I have strong opinions about this particular subject, or what..?) on us and especially our children…ergo…let’s teach that what we do affects our planets climate and the viability of all aspects of the natural system ( clean air, water and earth…disposal of toxic materials, the by-production of hazardous substances, the extermination of endless species of flora and fauna …the answer to our problems is not to eat (thank you, brother Jonathan) our children, (or our children’s future.) and let’s re-introduce to public education, classes in Civics and Ethics so that our kids don’t grow up to be assholes who hate their own government and conflate a desire to accumulate knowledge with a grievous sin against the All Father    (who, I guess, would rather have a beer and not over-think the problem) ..and allow them to understand that the basic tenets of Human Morality and ethics precede the formation of all modern religions (especially those that claim to be soul possessors of the “answer” and architects of the Only Way.

5. Let’s be secure with both effective and responsible police forces and military to keep our world safe…but, while we recognize the lamentable necessity for such institutions, lets not celebrate militarism and glorify warfare, whether its on our streets, here at home, or on the streets of Baghdad, where we have given the police explosive weaponry that has decimated neighborhood after neighborhood in a way that we would never accept at home. And let’s not have the military and publicly-paid-for mercenaries become (as they so often have been) the private army of various profit-driven corporate interests and/or political demagogues (the entire Bush family comes to mind). In other words, let’s try to emulate the cool, blue people in that film, Avatar…and not the dickheads in gas masks.

6. Lets pay serious attention to the education of our children so they may prosper in the modern world and so they don’t fall prey to the idiotic notions of their under-educated parents and understand how important it is to defend our planet from ourselves and to recognize that we are all part of a single organism…. and lets make it common knowledge that evolution is a proven “theory”, otherwise known as a “fact”, and that it is not an “opinion” as some “nitwits” would have them believe… and let’s teach the history of all our people, not only by adding the (you would think, by this point, requisite) “Zinn“ book to the public school syllabus, but also by giving more than lip service to this “melting pot” notion and being a little less euro-centric in our entire curriculum… a good place to start might be by teaching all kids Spanish, as a second language, while their brains are in that language “sponge” phase (grade school). How many tensions in the days ahead would that help to avoid..? same thing goes for fostering an understanding of the mind sets of the Far and Middle Easts.

…and finally, lucky number, 7. In terms of our relations with the rest of the world, that is to say, our ancestral homes, could we “encourage” our leaders to make friends by offering help, whenever possible, in the areas of Health, Education and Welfare and minimize the presence of military forces except perhaps as participants in an, as yet to be established, global police force, that helps to keep the peace. In a world prone to outbreaks of criminal violence, where havoc is easy to come by…first, we could make an effort to stop the sale of weapons to places that use these weapons to commit wholesale murder against their own innocent populations that they often hold captive with acts/threats of violence. Diplomacy…carrots instead of sticks…make friends, not just clients…make love, not war…and to any reading this who recognize the hippie poster expression…let me say that the most popular pro-Vietnam (doesn’t seem possible, now, in retrospect, that anybody could have been “for” that war) bumper sticker was “America…Love it or Leave It” and my favorite and I always thought, quite poignant, retort sticker was  “America…Change it or Lose it” But, my favorite T-shirt slogan ever, which I think is funny and even though its cynical, sadly true…is the twisting of the UNCF motto that simply goes…..“A Mind is a Terrible Thing….” As much as that made me laugh/cry when I first saw it….it was far less…important… than the timeless admonition of the original which adds, of course, the words, “……to Waste.”

hallow whirled…!

Saturday, February 6th, 2010

more to fallow….stay attuned….