Archive for March, 2010

BigAsswipe.Com*… Black Bart’s not so Bright

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010


Peeking behind the curtain at BigGovernment, BigJournalism and BigHollywood (all sprung from the same vat of reactionary revisionism that has produced the “new & improved” neo-con stew that’s been stinking up the place, since the early 1980’s**) we find a steaming pile of self aggrandizing horseshit, named Andrew Breitbart.  It seems, at least, according to his brief bio in this week’s Time Magazine, that, after his antics at the chichi Brentwood School, guaranteed his banishment from consideration by the Ivy League, he headed south to Tulane, where he was easily the smartest pledge at his Delta Tau Delta***fraternity house and it was there, on hundreds of drunken nights, that he saw how easily controlled rednecks were and decided to settle down to a life of manipulating those of limited intellect and abundant faith … faith in guns … faith in God … and faith in all the other goodies that make up “good old boy” gumbo… after four years of dedicated partying, Andy headed West …and got schooled by Matt Drudge, of the Drudge Report, and Arianna Huffington (before she lost religion and shed her red robes to become the white queen of the compassionate Left, as patroness of the Huffington Post)…and now he’s the darling of the Tea Party set…introducing Sayrah Palin at the Tea Party National Convention in Nashville… like Limbaugh and Coulter (sheesh, the blood runs cold), he is a hatemonger and a nastily funny guy (yes, I’m pretty sure Coulter is a dude and I don’t include Hannity and O’Reilly in my little group of Fox Hole denizens because neither of them are funny, except in their own minds, and Hannity is just a plain waste of time and then, I also have this crazy recurring dream about Colbert’s beloved Papa Bill****). The terrible thing about all these guys is that they remind me of L. Ron Hubbard’s stoned rap sessions with his pals from the JPL at Cal Tech back in the early days, when he posited that the best way to make really serious bread was to start  your own (admittedly, bullshit) religion and then proceed to fleece the flock. Fox News (and friends) understand the entertainment value of spewing outrageous lies about decent people and then feeding on people’s irrational fears and just like L.Ron and all the Marjoe Gortners of old, they are raking in the dough…and that’s sad, really, really sad.

*,, Big are all the brain-children of the megalomaniacal Andrew Breitbart (subject of this blog post) and I’m offering him dibs on BigAsswipe.Com which, I think, might make a swell name for a new site (under his “Big” rubric) offering the biographies of both himself and all of his friends at the forefront of the Tea Party, Neo-Con, White Supremacist and many, assorted, domestic, terrorist movements that he seems so anxious to pimp for.

** Irving Kristol, Daniel Bell, Norman Podhoretz, Daniel Patrick Moynihan, Irving Howe are among the unbelievable group of students studying together at the City College of New York during the period from 1930 through the fifties when a number of circumstances, war and depression and the attendant refugee surge combined with the fact that CCNY offered advanced degrees for free…free…? Yes, free graduate curriculum combined with money-strapped minds equals an educational milieu that produced some of the most progressive and interesting thinking of the past 75 years and spawned not only the Neo-Con Philosophy (not to be confused with the mindless, Reagan Era Neo-Con Movement promulgated by the lame children of those truly novel thinkers of CCNY in days gone by) but, much of the most influential progressive and liberal thought…free education..!!! socialist bastards…!!! what is this? France, fer Chrissake…?!!&##??

*** although the Tulane chapter that Breitbart held sway over was obviously nothing to write home about, Delta Tau Delta, is a well-respected national fraternity with a widely (and wildly) varied band of brothers, including: Dick Cheney’s predecessor as CEO of Halliburton, Thomas H. Cruikshank; symbologist/mythologist/writer/lecturer Joseph Campbell (of The Power of Myth fame); Reagan/Bush Press Secretary, Marlin Fitzwater; NFL-Quarterback, John Elway; actor Matthew McConaughey, comedians Will Ferrell and Drew Carey;  New Mexico governor, Bill Richardson and Supreme Court Justice William Brennan.

**** He (Bill O’Reilly) wakes up one day, with a heart-filled-to-breaking with love for his fellow Man, and freaks everyone (including himself) out by experiencing a Huffingtonesque epiphany to become a Great Champion for  the downtrodden and, after apologizing to Senator Al Franken (how wonderful..) and countless others, proceeds to excoriate Karl Rove, Grover Norquist and William“Wrong about just about Everything” Kristol (misbegotten scion of the right wing of the CCNY Gang of New York Intellectuals **) and Rush “Big, Fat Liar” Limbaugh and the rest, from his new pulpit on MSNBC (somewhere, in between Keith O. and Rachel M. and far to the left of Chris Matthews).

Maybe Democracy Isn’t Completely Dead..!

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010


“…and  may god bless the snouting, velvet Dingells…”

It has felt so much like the fix is in, for so long now, that, even though we have a black (ok..mixed race) american named Barack Hussein Obama in the White House…it still seemed as if it was all a con to assuage the fears of those of us who still love the notion of a free and democratic society (and not a tri-lateral [or whatever-the-hell] oligarchy) and when he hired a bunch of GOBs  from Wall Street and gave all this bailout money to The Street, with so little regulation…it seemed to confirm, for many of us, our worst fears…but, I’ve got to say, when the regrettably, far- from- the-universal-healthcare-of-our-dreams (but still monumental), health reform bill, passed the Congress, last night, the voices of tens of millions of Americans from over the past 75 years since the congress passed the Social Security Act of 1935 (as part of FDR’s [& John David Dingell, Sr.’s] New Deal) and the Social Security Amendment Act of 1965 (that saw the creation of Medicare and Medicaid during the socially progressive Great Society under LBJ [& John David Dingell, Jr.]) these voices were finally, at long, long, long, long, long last…heard. And as Dylan Thomas, a hard drinking Welshman, might have said, were he watching the historical (and interminable) roll calls on the TV above the bar at the White Horse Tavern, on Sunday night (and with the blessing of his spiritual kinsman, Sen. Edward Kennedy [they say the Welsh are the Irish who couldn’t swim]) “…the houses [of Congress] are blind as moles (though moles see fine to-night…)”  so…thanks, Mr. President, and all your cohorts, sir, for all your persistence, on all of our behalves.

IAmAmerica(ascy!) “I sing the Colbert eclectic…”

Saturday, March 13th, 2010


Pages xi, xii and xiii (Introduction)

It was just down the road from the Colbert family home, in Charleston, S.C., where local legend, Dick Tater (who came from a family of dirt poor, kudzu farmers and rose to dizzying heights as Assistant Day Manager of the Francis Marion Memorial Piggly Wiggly [Boundary St., off Ribaut] in Beaufort, South Carolina) once said, “If you’ll take my advice……I won’t have you gutted, and strung up on a meat hook.” It is precisely this kind of psychotic, self confidence, combined with a crystal clear sense of purpose and an uncanny ability to motivate (and schedule) employees, that drove the Original Hero, Our Leader, Stephen T. Colbert to put together “I Am America (and so can you)” in the hope that, by listening to his every dictatered word and hewing close to the path he has limned in this book, you and your loved ones can escape..the Hook.

Fromm a very early age, little “Stefano” Colbert, despised reading and detested books, he had nightmares that he would wake from, shouting aloud that if he could, he would, “drown his book…deeper than did ever plummet sound..” He also took to calling his pet schnauzer, “Mooncalf”, and late at night would whine until somebody fetched him a “trinculo” of water…all of this apparently sprang from the trauma of his having been forced to read one, single play.*** This sort of thing scared the Colbert family nanny so much, that she returned to the Georgia Sea Islands and the relatively sane eccentricities of Santeria…rather than endure any more of Stephen’s antics. As a young lad, Stephen avoided many bothersome trips to the woodpile by using his schoolbooks as kindling. He would happily sit at the feet of his Great “GronPear” Colbert, warm before the fire, listening, respectfully, to the nasty old fart’s completely incomprehensible stories, of his rambunctious youth, or so Stephen supposed, and occasionally pause, so that his “lazy-ass grandson” might empty his drool cup.

Frighteningly cozy experiences like this, at the hands of any number of aged (and often flatulent) kin are what helped turn the tender, innocent, young, sweet, supple, smooth, porcelain skinned Boy Stephen, he once was,  into the  mightily sinewed, steely-eyed, iron-willed, supremely gifted, supple, smooth, porcelain skinned Man Stephen, he is today. A powerful polemicist who holds forth for an excruciatingly difficult 22 minutes a night on camera, an unbelievably wearying four nights a week, for 40, or so, weeks a year …with nothing but an extremely lucrative contract (that includes full medical and dental for his entire extended family [the same policy that is standard for all members of the U.S. Congress] and all-expenses paid vacations [fact-finding “junkets”, in congress-sssspeak] with a minimum of two weeks a year at DisneyWorld, guaranteed. Even so, this demanding schedule has Colbert so befuddled that the poor man believes that “Korean baby carrots are trying to… effect the transubstantiation of the Holy Eucha-limp-rist and… turn him gay.” (lines 21-24…pg. xii, Introductionplus, stuff I made up…)

Now, according to my imagination, Stephen’s great GroanPear Colbert von Kuhlbert bore a striking resemblance to the great American poet (and famously closeted homosexual) Walt Whitman, although, by my own account, Whitman was not a man given to excessive flatulence and ergo, far less of a mensch, than Stephen’s Grand Da, who, even as a boy, in Hannibal, MO, (once again, in my mind) could blow a hole in a whitewashed fence, from twenty paces, while walking away..!

…how to read His book…pg. xiv

I fear that here, I have gone astray, and I hope by, briefly, relating my sad tale to you, dear reader, that you will avoid the errors, to which, I,  fell prey.

It all started when I was writing these very words in the margin of the book* and my pen knocked over my beverage (I always have a Julep, or two, on hand, to slake my thirst, when I’m laboring in the fields of Colbert) onto the page* with the hole in it(where I had cut out a picture of Our Hero to put in my wallet* [so people would think that he and I are friends*]) and now the ragweed I had pressed* on the page behind it is wet…and even though this is the cheapest discount paperback edition I could find* I think its too messed up now to use it to swear in the new mayor of ShroomTown, my fungus city, I have growing, where I gutted the mid-section of this book, to make room for it*. Fortunately, I’ve already loaned the book to everybody I know* And finally, with all that has happened, I’ve had to rip off the corners of most of the pages that are left* in order to make the book balance properly, when my wife spins it on her head, to entertain the good people of  ShroomTown*.

Okay, well, that’s my story and now I have to hang my head, in sham, and head over to The Strand to buy a used copy of The Book (sometimes you can find a really beat-up one for a buck in the racks outside the store..!) in order to continue my review…Please, for Stephen’s sake, people, learn from my mistakes..!!!

***Prominent psychiatrists (I can’t remember their names just now, but trust me, they’re really prominent) say that the reason Colbert dislikes reading so, is that he has a fully “elastic”  intellect and even the smallest bit of information will instantly expand to fill his mind, rendering him incapable of speech, motion or any other activity, so over time, Stephen has learned how to avoid the acquisition of knowledge, and, in particular, the printed page, so as to keep his mind, virtually free, of thought, at all times….thus, Stephen, when he speaks, always speaks, “ex cathedra”, channeling the words of the Almighty…A mighty vessel, is he….“Sail away…sail away, Stephen T. Colbert…’til you cross the mighty ocean into Charleston Bay…!”

Next up: My American Childhood Chapter One…“The Family”

Dateline: TDSWJS 3/9/10 Whet dream…

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010


I had this wonderful dream last night that Jon Stewart did the unthinkable…he was…impolite…to a guest. Actually, he, verbally, tore this glib, neo-con dickwad, a new asshole, and then, when this Marc Thiessen schmuck (an ex-Bush/Rumsfeld speechwriter, how shameless is this guy, admitting to that..?) reacted to the endless torrent of invective that poured from Stewart’s Mother Wit and swore back at him (a feeble effort)…and even became threatening, in his posture. Wellllllll, Jonny wound up (you shoulda seen it, it was…..charmant) and knocked this smarmy fuck out of his seat and right onto the goddam floor, where he sat on his ass, bawling, like a baby, because most macho, know-it-all, pro-life, anti gay, pro-war, anti-matter, think-that-science-is-based-on-opinion, talk a lotta shit, shitheads, are humongous pussies inside…I remember, as a young, hippie boy in the Deep South, backing down redneck bullies (which was fairly easy, ‘cause they were typically, chickenshits*, unless they were in large anonymous groups [traditionally, in the corner of South Carolina, I lived in (where Bob Jones and other like-minded scumbags, like Sen. Jim DeMint, came/come from) they also liked to wear sheets and pointy pillowcases on their heads])….fucking cowards is what they were…and in my dream…small (but, little, ok,ok…but, feisty), quite sensitive, very funny, and unarguably intelligent Jon-Jon Stewart finally gets pushed too far by one of these ball-less fucks and gives him a jolly good thrashing….the same way the father in Beautiful Joe did, when he and his son are driving by in the horse-drawn milk wagon and they see the guy, in his backyard, cutting Joe’s tail off, on a stump, with an axe, and then…my dad jumps the fence, and thrashes that motherbounder and brings poor, beautiful Joe home with us, where we nurse him back to health and love him and eventually he gets his own talk show on the comedy channel…and, and, I was so proud of my Dad for saving that poor, little doggie……yeah, so Jonny beats the shit out of this turd and as he’s apologizing to his audience for…uh…losing his…er…composure, my wife (accidentally..?) smacks me in the head with the “Puglee” uglydoll I just bought her, for Freud’s Birthday ( I know, its early, but, we’re regressing nicely and I felt we just couldn’t wait)…annnnd…. up, I woke.…and…here we are.

*CAUTION: it is very important to note that chickenshits, in large numbers, are brutal and while most of my encounters were with one or two, I had a long-haired pal who was murdered by them after a dozen or so, raped his girlfriend…so, keep your eyes open…and stay alive friends…you are precious.

N.B. I would also like to add, that a lot of the folks that I encountered, in my years of living in The South, from the Rev. Martin Luther King, to many of my to-this-day closest friends, were/are funny, sensitive, strong, brave and highly intelligent individuals, whose most admirable characters and multi-faceted personalities were likely made even more indelible by having been forged in the crucible of “life among the troglodytes”.

Dateline: TDSWJS 3/8/10 “Suck it dry…”

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010


Excellent as your interview with retired, and lovin’ it, Wall Street whistleblower cum misanthrope, Hairy Metropolis, was…and it really was…(I couldn’t get enough of  Mr. Markopolos’ straight talk…so, as long as it’s the rich stealing for the rich, its hands off for the SEC and obviously they, nor, anyone else within earshot of Harry’s astonishing claims, would allow themselves to give credence to the notion that the rich would allow themselves to be taken by one of their own…well…as John Oliver would say, (and did, repeatedly, last evening,) “Suck it, you rich bastards, suck it dry…” (you know, Jon, getting away with “suck it…” is time-honored envelope pushing…but, “suck it dry” [with its unavoidable, attendant imagery], as well as your full frontal “coupla beeps” while we read your lips, policy, are really helping to push back against the forces of darkness that are sponsoring media censorship in contempo-fucking-rary, Amerika…so, here’s a sincere Thank-You from us…at least I think…uh, you guys…?  yup…I was right….so say we all). Now, as I, alone, was saying, excellent as your interview was, it still came in third place, so awesome was the Show last night…Oliver’s “catechism of evil” appreciation speech at the Asaddamy Awards covered so much ground, and so suc(k)cinctly…and then Jason Jones fearless examination of the scandalous use of the image of notorious media-whore, Mother Teresa, on American stamps..…it had to be said..?


Monday, March 8th, 2010


The first Ten pages of Stephen Colbert’s stunningly magnificent, magnum opus, I Am America (and so can you!) are so superb, so… compelling…that one is tempted to drop everything, make a few calls and get together with one’s pals over a meal (breakfast, perhaps) to discuss and study, nay memorize, every word, so that we may recite, chapter and verse, when in communion with those poor souls who have not been blessed by receiving the “fruit of Colbert’s mental loins”.

Without the help of so much as a single word, pages One and Two, tell us so much more, than words ever could (unless, of course, they were His words) about the character of The Maste…er…that is, Mr. Colbert. In a style, reminiscent, of the sixties artist and pop god, Andy Warhol, the polytychal representation of  Stephens strongly chiseled features in silhouette will, undoubtedly, give the first time viewer a distinct frisson…they (his profiles) are perfectly symmetrical, and thus, perfectly conform to our western ideal of beauty and are, therefore, liable to bring a tear to one’s eye and make one’s heart ache with the utter exquisitrudaliciousness of Him all. Then, there is the confirmation of Colbert’s well-known color blindness as he allows himself to be depicted as both a Red and a Black man, not realizing that he is, in fact, as those of us who worsh…uh…admire him, can attest, as white, as the driven snow.

Page Three: informs us that we are lucky enough to be in possession of the “Collectible Paperback Edition” (valued on E-Bay auctions at only $0.50 to $1.25, a scant 3 years after its initial release … but, in a recent bust of a radical, Colbert is Our God (C.O.G….its members see themselves as mere cogs in the awesome machine, the unstoppable juggernaut, that is, The Colbert Nation) cell, in Boulder Colorado… ATF officials put a street value of  $2.6 million on a “contraband” filled steamer trunk (16 urine-soaked copies of I Am America). This is a more realistic appraisal [although, I must say that the ATF once busted me with two joints in my pocket, that they informed the media had a “street value” of $150,000). Page 3 also sports a swell shot of Stephen’s handsome, beaming face…almost psychotic in its warm intensity.

On Page Four, we find a delightful black & white engraving of our Leader (albeit, in the style of V.I. Lenin’s high school yearbook shot from the Simbirsk High Sabertooth) It is well known that, in college, Stephen briefly flirted with the Left, as most young men do (cf: young Screen Actor’s Guild President Ronald Reagan’s foolish condemnation of St. Joe [McCarthy], before he finally came to his senses [and grew a set of balls]), and the collegiate Colbert (or Steffi C., as all his pinko, queer pals called him) even went so far as to sing with a barbershop quartet called, The Volga Boatmen.

Page Five: The title page gives us the names of the thirteen disciples who cooked, cleaned, researched, and took care of all of Stephen’s “needs” as he slaved day and night, night and day, for three full days to put I AM AMERICA (and so can you!) together. These eleven men and two women account for the fair and balanced picture of life in contemporary America, so unforgettably painted on these pages.

Page Six: Stephen shows his design genius by putting all of the annoying copyright information in a five pointed, Star of Stephen, with barely legible white print on a solid red background that is guaranteed to excite the senses of the easily manipulated readers who typify the barely literate (“reading is for dullards…and who wants to be a duck..?” ) denizens of the Colbert Nation.

Page Seven: will make you weep…does Stephen dedicate this precious work to his wife, or his parents, or his children..? No..!!! Like a true patriot, Stephen is willing to lay down all their lives, without a second thought, for his one, true love…the dedicatee of I Am AmericaAMERICA..! (oh, Stephen…bravo….!)

Explosive…!! Pages Eight and Nine: (barely) contain the Table of Contents…for those of you unfamiliar with books, the TOC is, it would seem, a list of the chapters in a book, along with the name of each chapter, and the page number on which that chapter may be found..!!!! eg. Chapter SixSex & Dating” 1,001 Abstinence Positions Page 86 (86..? does that mean abstinence is off the menu.?) …Never mind, it is a marvelous idea and I’m not certain but, I think Stephen may be among the first, if not the first, author, to use this literary device, in a published work. Amazing…!

PageTen: A gorgeous portrait of The Nation’s fearless leader… …….Worldshaker Stephen Tyrone Colbert..!!!

Next up:10 More Pages That Shook The World!(the Introduction)

Alice in Underland “Bring me a pig, for my feet!”

Sunday, March 7th, 2010


My sweetheart and I saw the early show of Alice in Wonderland 3-D this morning, got home, descended into the Cave (there is a garden out back…its not so bad) and I just finished reading the iAlice 2.0 blogview of the movie, by The Moral High Ground blogger, Anna “have you fellated philately lately..?” Hedigan and although I disagree, wholeheartedly, with her opinion of the film (I believe the Reverend Dodgson’s seminal work should be [and has been] a springboard for imagination in all of us who’ve been touched [in the head] by it) I’m still happy to have found her…I like her writing style and the fact that she is, in her own words, “an expert shusher”… and all I did, was to google Tim Burton’s Alice and Charles Kingsley (the Edwardian botanist/author, who wrote one of the first novels I read as a child and one of the first written specifically for children, The Water  Babies)…in the film, Alice’s dad is named Charles Kingsley and I didn’t remember that from Carroll’s opus, so I figured it was an homage, likewise, I was also put in mind of the artwork of Maxfield Parrish (love that guy) on more than one occasion during the movie (as I was by Peter Jackson’s depiction of Rivendell, in the LOTR trilogy). By the bye, as I’m writing this, we’re watching today’s CBS News Sunday Morning, that I recorded while we were film-going earlier and there is a great report on Sean Penn’s work in Haiti. He comes across as clear, cogent and, all in all,  just a terrific subject for a video portrait (in complete contrast to his visit to Bill Maher’s show on Friday (digressed upon interminably in my last blog)…Back to Alice, so, although, Burton’s film script, picks only a couple of scenes and characters from the original, and expands upon them, to tell his sweet coming of age tale, in “Underland” (as he calls it) and even with little of the complexity of Carroll’s books, his visual imagination is so rich, beautiful and weird, and his mate, Helena Bonham Carter’s, Red Queen, his pal and Godfather to his children, Johnny Depp’s Mad Hatter and that girl from In Treatment (Mia Warsomethingski’s) Alice, along with McFly as the Knave (did you ever see Glover’s Bartleby…what a Scrivener..!! and how tremendously bizarre is this Melville genius, anyway…?) and Anne Hathaway’s White Queen and all the Voice Over actors/actresses… the March Hare, Dormouse, White Rabbit, etc… etc…etc…etc….et cetera, all hand in splendid performances, resulting in a movie that is great, great, great….great…………great.

I give it Twenty two and a half Bobos (a burger place i really liked, near my house in Hayward,CA, when I was five)highly recommended …add a dozen or so additional Bobos if you happen to be high, while viewing it, which is also highly recommended…highly, highly, highly….heidi hey…heidi ho…oh..oh…oh.

Dateline: Real Time w/Bill Maher 3/5/10

Sunday, March 7th, 2010


So, Bill Maher, huh?…comedian, political/cultural satirist, professional-burr-under-the-saddle of all them Texans what rode tall ‘til he come to town…he championed the (once) refreshing anti-PC stance (at a time when political correctness threatened to strangle lots of little free speeches in their cribs)…a serious horn-dog, who took over from James Caan as the most-likely-to-be-photographed-at-the-Playboy-Mansion celebrity (which makes him a hero in some quarters and a pig in others)…and an equally serious pothead, whose chauvinism and hard ass takes on many issues, including anything that smacks of spirituality, bewilders a lot of very mellow (and very high on buddha love) fellows who have fought for the legalization of grass for decades. And how wonderful that he took on organized religion, which should be considered an oxymoron on a par with military intelligence and jumbo shrimp…its just that in not understanding how important our myths are to us and how powerful faith in those myths can be, as Joseph Campbell explains so convincingly in his series of conversations with Bill Moyer on PBS) he succeeds in disposing of the baby with the bathwater. The truth is that, unfortunately, what I remember most about Bill Maher is this… back in’99, I think it was, I was in LA, waiting to audition (for a film called Monkeybone, I think…to play Attila the Hun…I didn’t get it…too bad, ‘cause I love that Henry Selick dude’s work [and he and/or the casting director should have known that Huns looked more like me (bearded Caucasian) than the mongol horde lookin’ dude that they finally hired [fine actor though he was]…anyway (sniffle) first movie I took my wife to (19 years before our wedding) was his [and Tim Burton’s] marvelous film The Nightmare Before Christmas […and then we got turned away from midnight mass at St. Patrick’s and went to worship a couple of cocktails at the Oak Bar in the Plaza Hotel instead….but…er…I digress…say, this megalomania stuff is contagious as hell…me, me, me…bill, bill, bill…bill]) so, there I was…in a hallway, on a folding chair, across from his offices when they finished taping an episode of Politically Incorrect and Maher comes storming down the hall, with his entourage, furious…I wave and say “hi” as his trousers brush against mine, en passant…he glares at me, says nothing and charges into his Green Room where I get to listen to him tear his staff a new collective asshole …‘cause the audience didn’t laugh enough…or something…I dunno…but, he sounded like a total dick and when he got pissed at his producer dude about the Michael Moore feed from NYC fucking up last night, on Live TV…it really didn’t sound like he was kidding and it brought back that unpleasant memory of my only encounter with this smart, but often smarmy, and (totally) self-involved bastid, who, alas, we still have an urgent need for, ‘cause he is generally on the side of progressive thought-waves and awash as we are, in a sea of mindless troglodytes (odd that troglodytes would not believe in evolution…you’d think they would understand its their only hope…no, then again, I guess there’s no real reason to think they would). So, there he was, interrupting his awful interview with Sean Penn, where Sean is totally lost in an effort to express his (deep and conflicted… read: human) feelings and thoughts about the miserable situation in Haiti and Maher is offering absolutely no help to focus them…terrible…and so, while Mr. Penn stumbles around (in the process, making a few, very interesting points that Maher lets fly right by, without comment, for instance, that although the third world’s distrust of our military is not without justification, their suggestion that our troops in Haiti have some fascistic agenda, is total bullshit and our soldiers there are doing some utterly selfless and splendid humanitarian work. Then, when he talks about his difficulties acquiring narcotics to deal with pain for the thousands of amputees and (as he horrifically points out… re-amputees) and Bill makes a little snarky drug joke…shit, Bill..!  no one says you have to talk about this heavy stuff, but, if you’re gonna do it…do it…(this is exactly the sort of thing [my hero] Jon Stewart handles beautifully, by A. being thoroughly prepared and B. by knowing when to joke and when to put a sock in it). Finally, when Penn gets it together in his response to Maher’s suggestion that he shouldn’t be palling around with an evil dictator like Hugo Chavez, by saying there have been 14 transparent democratic elections in Venezuela (all overseen by international election fairness observers [you know, the same ones that we refused to allow to observe our own election process in action] and that, as is always the case with our take on socialist movements, that we vilify the people’s heroes and say that 80% support (solely because the voters are all peasants and lower-to-middle class) is somehow, not real democracy… I once moved some furniture in Manhattan for a friend, with help from a kid from Nicaragua, whose upper class parents had split for Manhattan, with all their cash (as did the ruling class, who fled to Florida from the people’s revolution in Cuba [a truly popular movement, by the way, that has weathered 50 years of U.S. sanctions and still prefers poverty and deprivation to putting the country back into the hands of the Batistaites and the American Mafia that ruled the roost pre-Fidel  and then there are the tens of thousands of Giscard d’Estaing’s supporters, who headed for their pied-à-terre’s on Madison Ave. when Mitterand won in France (the first couple of years of the 80’s there was French spoken on every corner between 59th St. and 96th St. on the East Side)  and the countless other examples of the haves calling “foul” when their own ever-increasing greed  forces the have-nots to find the balls [and often, the luck] to pull off a revolution that brings them into power…I asked him what he thought about the whole megillah in his country and he said (the kid was about 17… and maybe 15, when they left, …”well,” he said,“my parents and their friends despised them [the Sandinistas], but the peasants [the huge majority, more than 85% of the Nicaraguan population] really loved them and they did a lot for them…so,” he guessed, “ they were pretty cool.”… and one of my brothers went to high school next to CIA HQ in Langley, VA, and at his 20th reunion, an old girl friend (who had spent years doing humanitarian work in Nicaragua) told him that Reagan’s heroic freedom fighters “the Contras” (you know the ones he [the borax shill] sold arms to Iran, for the money, to fund them, illegally, you know the story) would show up in their blue, Sear’s overalls, (clothed and armed by us…or, that is, the Reagan cabal), and rape and murder their way through village after village (on behalf of their born-again benefactors sitting at home, comfortably, watching the Big Game, on every Sabbath, during that Bloodsoaked Fall of ’85) aw shit…I’m so bad…okay…I apologize, give me a chance and I promise I will reign in my impulse to.………………no, who am I kidding, I won’t do any such thing…but, back to our review of last nights program… that’s right, dear reader, “our review” we’re collaborating on this sucker, youse didn’t know dat..?  Okay, so its awful, this interview, what with, Bill taking time out to berate his staff, etc…….so now, of course, he’s pissed, ‘cause everybody’s out to get him, although, I will say that as Penn was leaving, knowing how bad it was, he apologized, and Bill, said, as he was walking back to the panel, “no, man, it was great…no problem” which I thought was an expression of real largesse on his part, if you forget about the fact that he was no help to his guest, as the interviewer, and all…anyway then he introduces the panel, Arianna and some guy and it’s a real mediocre show because Bill is still pissed about the satellite thing…and then, the panel discussion gets interrupted by a… last…..mediocre chat with Michael Moore, where Maher makes a bunch of lame jokes about the Oscars and doesn’t really appear to be interested in what Michael has to say…jeez, then, he‘s back to the panel and when neither, they, nor the audience, laughs at one of his most banal jokes, that I can’t even remember and barely understood at the time (and I’m smarter than the average bear…well, okay, not much smarter, but, still ..) he actually got up and appeared to be threatening the audience…?????  What the fuck, Maher..? Oh, well, it was just a bad night, but, you know what the worst part was, Bill..? It was you.

Dateline: TDSWJS 3/4/10 …turn catwheels ‘cross the floo-or-or…

Friday, March 5th, 2010


So naturally, Jon, I was led astray by the initial phonemes of your evaluation of the latest web phenom, Chat Roulette…”free-float…” you said, and I was already off to the races…thinking, of course, of Karl Mannheim’s seminal work in the sociological formulation of the “Free-floating Intellectual” (the same sort of remarkably flexible archetype that I associate with you and all of your colleagues on The Daily Show, by the way) …instead, imagine the éclat, no, the frisson…I experienced when what followed those initial mellifluous words was  “…dongs” instead (and there you are, mon chef, serving up another plate of raw vegetables…incorrigible rascal…!!)  The piece that followed was utterly brilliant on every level and the cameos you were able to put together of the “The Best and the Brightest” of TV journalism was nothing short of astonishing…you had only to add Maddow, Lehrer and Colbert and you would have had a quorum (isn’t that a holy city in Iran..?) Thank you for so succinctly and humorously sounding the death knell for yet another unnecessary addition to the porn web, (which is doing just fine and doesn’t need another tumescent tool to extend its access to all the little twittering school children of the world (sorry, Brian, you and Jon will have to…skip the light fandango…( inspect one another’s penises) in the public restrooms of our country’s great transportation facilities, like all decent gentlemen do).

Dateline: TDSWJS 3/3/10 Megyn and Sarah

Thursday, March 4th, 2010


Its very sad that those personifying the  lowest common denominator make up the most vocal segment in our society…I mean real, bottom feeding creatures like Karl Rove, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh…oh, dear God, would that you did exist that You might smite these vermin that seek to infect Your children with their hate and fear mongering…Parenthetically, I find the basic tenets of Christianity, those enumerated on the Mount (the Sermon wherein that great rabbi, Jesus, rejected/improved His Dad’s/His Own tabloid instructions to Moses and the Jews) to be perfectly in line with all of the kindest and most enlightened teachings that have come down through the Millennia from our common ancestors (at their kindest and most enlightened moments)…and the rest….the burning bush, the wheels of fire, Jonah in the whale, the virgin birth, the walking on the water, the resurrection, and all the many aspects of a consensual hallucination that throughout the past three thousand plus years has featured various and sundry lowlifes using the Testaments of the Judeo-Christian faith as the basis for either a small minded, tawdry monotheism ruled over by a Vengeful God, or post-revelation, an equally bizarre tri-partitheism, regularly misapprehended by those who are either innocently ignorant or those who willfully reject rational thought at every turn(because it serves their nefarious ends) to keep the People ignorant and in a state of Perpetual Terror…these Fundamentalists of every stripe…who love to call anyone who disagrees with their blather “blasphemers” or ”wackjobs” or worse…and the lowest of the low (those who populate the studios and back alleys of Fox News) use to incredible advantage, the few hugely (and truly) charismatic Dumbasses that have dragged us through the shit for the  past thirty years, starting with the king, Ronald  Reagan (he would certainly have been a Tory at another point in American history…as would they all) and then Dubya and finally Sarah of Wasilla…The only advice she ever gets from her Dad is which ammunition to use….delightful…and Jay Leno, back-stabbing sycophant that he is, eats it up and then uses his dishonestly got position as host once again of late night’s only sacred talk show, a show whose position as the show biz apotheosis of every comedians dreams, an appearance that they spend countless hours in the  trenches working for…he cheapens this institution by allowing this backwoods Beauty Contest runner-up to do a stand-up routine center stage….if there was ever a question about how truly uncool Jay Leno is…surely the verdict is in…a great segment Jon… fair and balanced, as always … thanks.

Oh, one more thing…when is that Angela Davis show gonna start on the Acorn Network…? it looks like could be a welcome antidote to the Megah Pally Show