Archive for May, 2010

DumbDumb……me want GumGum…

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010


I have, of late, looked at dozens of clips of tea party goers; and read hundreds of signs, proudly held aloft, at their events; and listened to their litany of grievances as expressed on the local news and…felt the hatred coming off their bodies in waves and been utterly amazed by the slack-jawed vapidity of some of my fellow Americans. Question….is all the stuff  I’ve been seeing, hearing and reading carefully selected by tea party opponents…? I mean, I’m not using a special, bleeding heart browser…just the usual googling…clicking on videos, images and websites, regardless of their apparent partisanship, one way or t’other…and I haven’t come across anyone yet that you would voluntarily splash around in the communal (gene) pool with…or…or (loud sigh) do I mistake myself…and are these stolid citizens representative of the very finest America has to offer..? Are these staunch defenders of the faith really the cream of the genetically modified crop. Hammity, Blechh, Flush and the Fox-Box, all seem to think so…they say that these tea baggers are the salt of the earth and deserve our undying support and gratitude for their fearless assault on the forces of darkness that are currently occupying the White House and a majority of the seats in Congress…This is the kind of thing that could make rational observers feel as if they’re totally losing their minds…the real problem is that this movement has far more in common with the tea party overseen by the Mad Hatter than the one that took place in Boston Harbor…let’s compare them, shall we..? First, the Bash at Griffin’s Wharf, December 16th 1773…it was about rejecting taxation without representation…it was about throwing off the oppressive yoke of a foreign potentate…whereas, the current tea party is about bitching because of financial woes brought about by a bunch of greedy bastards that these self-same idiots voted into office…now, we call a person who sees something that’s white and calls it black, delusional, and that kind of madness is more of the Mad Hatter variety, than the righteous anger expressed by disgruntled Bostonians towards the government of King George. How about a few quotes from the two groups; first, a Whig of yore (Samuel Adams, to be precise): “No people will tamely surrender their Liberties, nor can any be easily subdued, when knowledge is diffused….On the Contrary, when People are universally ignorant… they will sink under their own weight without the Aid of Foreign Invaders”…hmmm, “universally ignorant”..? Try these tasty bon mots from the wig(ged out) followers of the Fox, who proudly raise their “Made in America” placards from coast to coast lately… If You Don’t Understand This Protest, You Must Have Attended Government Schools (I guess that means College of William and Mary, Georgia Tech, UCLA, UC Berkeley, University of Michigan, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, UConn and all the other crappy state-sponsored universities that are…everywhere… you look) or how about; MODERATE REPUBLICANS Follow Specter’s Lead – Don’t Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out (now that one has my complete support); You Cannot Help the Poor by Destroying the Rich (or its hackneyed doppelganger) Don’t Expect to Build Up the Weak by Pulling Down the Strong ..Calvin Coolidge.(well, he’s my personal hero..! [but, fortunately, for every living American today... FDR was not a fan]); God, Guts, and Guns Bought Our Freedom and Is Needed to Keep It (now you’re talking…shades of Dubya’s syntax) and finally; picture an obnoxiously loud, orca-fat, foulmouthed, racist moron, farting and belching as he lowers his brewsky, to facilitate the heroic hoisting of this hand-scrawled beauty…….. I AM SPARTACUS! (‘nuff said.)

Ultimate Cage Match: Mankind Vs. Planet Earth

Thursday, May 13th, 2010


Somehow, as always, I don’t know how they do it, but, its brilliant…the hopelessly, pathetic morons who populate the Fox News Channel (simpleminded lackeys, for the Neo-Con cogniscenti, who themselves, are mere [unwitting] toadies for the Almighty Dollar worshipping Apolitical Super-Rich [the ASR (or Æsir]…these are the Gods of a Bygone Age [the GBA], the True Wasp Gods [the TWGs], the Original Norse Gods [the ONGs], or, the Gods Who Ruled Germany and Great Britain in Their Formative Years [the GWRGAGBFYs… pronounced gwerGAGbuhfees], it is these gods who rule Wall Street, and therefore, The World. [Yessireee Bob…..! the Æsir !!! you’ll be hearing more about them in the “my mind” to come…its serious, crazy-as-a-bedbug conspiracy stuff, which is probably inaccurate only in its underestimation of the truly reckless nature of these business school banditos])…anyway, these guys have managed, yet again, to frame the argument in such a way as to minimize the scope of the problem and, indeed, question the basis for the alarum sounded by the environmental movement altogether…the insidious way the haves have, for millennia, played the have-something-but-not-lots off against the have-nots has worked very well for them…you can make 5000% profit (that’s fifty times your investment, baby) buying drugs wholesale in South America, Afghanistan and Southeast Asia (why do you think drugs are both illegal and so easy to get..?)…selling them to the poor, who then prey on the buffer (read: middle) class, mugging them, knocking off their small businesses, stealing their TVs and…making the middle class despise the poor and admire the rich and then, when the health care reformers come ‘round…they’re all about bankrupting the middle class to pay for the poor and murdering everyone’s parents…and abortions are about killing sweet little babies (not about avoiding back alley hanger abortions) while, when, and if, Roe V. Wade is finally overturned, the rich will have their unwanted heirs aborted in deluxe Swiss spas, as always…its all business as usual, my friends…global warming…? then, why so much snow…? or…it was this hot in the middle ages…and…spending money on the environment is a waste and making corporations clean up their own acts will only kill jobs…forget about pouring poison into lakes and streams and into the atmosphere and strip mining mountains and burning the oxygen-supplying rain forests and over-fishing and over-hunting species into extinction and depleting natural resources and outright raping the third world of its resources without so much as a by-your-leave….Ah…its all too much to take…!!! how do you stand it Jon Stewart, how do you, night after night, find the strength to make fun of these guys and not go completely fucking bonkers when faced with their endless shenanigans..?…I applaud you, sir and thank you…and hope that you will continue to fight the good fight…until you’re totally batshit…(better you, than me…erp…just kidding…I got yer back, brudder)